Session 35
Session 35 brought to you by Crystal Wright-Johnson. She decided to bring her at home girls nights and little sister big brother conversations to your ears. While collaborating with other hosts, they plan to be authentic and have real conversations. You may relate, learn, disagree, laugh or cry but we’ll be honest and true to who we are. This podcast wants to grow in ALL ways. So join the conversations and help us do that. New episodes on Wednesdays.
Session 35
What’s a soft man era?
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The new needs being requested by men.
Mic Chaos And Guest Introduction
SPEAKER_05Hey y'all. Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. Now her got her whole phone at the mic. You can hear me in your headphone. I was trying to share it. We got a guest here with us tonight. Kira out of control. You know what? I'm trying to share it. She's just turning the volume down. But anyway, we got a guest here with us today. Kira. Introduce yourself, Tim.
SPEAKER_02I think Tim, I work with Kira, and I'm the guest tonight because she's mad at my question. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_05So basically, Kira asked him a question at work, and it pissed her off so bad that she invited this man to come on to the show and she'd argue with him outside of work. So that means she can't get in trouble.
SPEAKER_02He might ask her one of other times, but I guess the question was just piss her off more often. She is she mean it's okay. That's a lot.
SPEAKER_05That's a lot.
SPEAKER_02We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna do that. She went it's this the black hair. She went back to the black. That's what it was.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Right. She shrewd. Why do we get rid of the blonde?
SPEAKER_04I love no, not blonde.
SPEAKER_05Well, but it was flat and light love because I want to lose 15 pounds. What the hell?
SPEAKER_06What did the color does?
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna let her be sweating in my head, y'all. And then this is a relaxer. So if I sweat my hair, I don't mess it up.
SPEAKER_02She went with the platinum.
SPEAKER_05I can't put no heat or nothing into it. Seriously, yes. Oh now you know. Okay.
SPEAKER_02She went full cosmic. I don't know nothing about that.
SPEAKER_05But but I sent y'all a podcast topic, and it was basically talking about you know how the females have soft girl era, how we always saying this. This man said it's a soft, what what did he call it?
SPEAKER_02He's called the soft guy era. I didn't say that by the way. Because I'm the only guy. I don't want I don't want them to get misconstrued who said that.
SPEAKER_05What does that mean? What does that even mean? Do you agree with the statement?
SPEAKER_02Actually, that's the first time I actually heard that when she told me about it.
SPEAKER_05Okay, what you think it is?
SPEAKER_02It's kind of weak to me, but uh I don't understand it.
SPEAKER_05Well, he said it basically comes from us females wanting y'all to pay for us a babysitter, take us out, get us flowers, get massages, do this and do that for us. So they said they want that too. They want to be pampered.
SPEAKER_04So I seen another clip that they was talking about the same thing. They said the same thing, like women. Well, the gold diggers messed it up for for women. I mean, for yeah, for the women.
SPEAKER_05That's why the men acting like that now. I agree. I think the white soft
“Soft Guy Era” And Pampering Debate
SPEAKER_05men here. One of them, them type of women definitely can't uh run this on because they using men. So that's probably what started it. I still don't agree with it. I don't agree with that either. I don't agree with it. So you said you agreed to some of it that he said. So I'm gonna know a little bit. Okay, I wanna know.
SPEAKER_02I feel like for one, the title. He should just never said the title and everything like that.
SPEAKER_06Oh, I era.
SPEAKER_02I see what he tried to say, but he didn't see what he was trying to say though. He basically said what y'all just what y'all just said as far as pampered. He shouldn't be pamper, like bro. Like, you gotta be a man, bro. Like, they can't look for to be as a woman and whether you want to be what passenger princess, that's what y'all call it sometimes. Yeah, passenger princess. You know, so I think that's where he messed up at. Like, you know what I'm saying? No, bro, just be intentional of who you're talking to, who you dating, whatever, and what you want, and then everything else is followed because you show you showing leadership up front. But if you but if you actually out here just like you scheming, you just as guilty as the gold digger. You know what I'm saying? So that's why I feel like he he kind of he is played in wrong and yeah, in so many words.
SPEAKER_05He definitely did. I do. I believe if a man is doing his part, you know, the providing, the protecting, the leading, you're gonna get what you need from your girl, especially if you're doing that part. And I feel like if you out here claiming you need passenger princess activities and X, Y, and Z, you just not doing your part, you're lacking somewhere. That's why you asked him for it.
SPEAKER_04Well, Destiny Shaw said it. Let me cater to you.
SPEAKER_05But that's the female, but I yeah, that's he's doing his part. But when he ain't doing his part, what you supposed to do?
SPEAKER_06Then you don't do shit.
SPEAKER_05Is it the same for us? If we're not doing our part, we're gonna get it.
SPEAKER_06They're gonna do shit for us.
SPEAKER_02If a man like you, he's gonna he gonna he gonna do something. You know what I'm saying? What he was doing is just okay, bro. You are looking for the girl treatment, like you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_05It's a lot of them, but it's just not him. That's what y'all fail to realize. This is why people are so single out here because it's so many guys that feel like they want what we want. I ain't gonna say no names, but at work, and this guy was like, Well, I ain't do, I ain't getting so I just I want to say no. Remember last week y'all was talking about people I can't say nameless people.
SPEAKER_02Oh you on you on that, you say the same names. No, she ain't getting it.
SPEAKER_05Like, why is it always a tip for tat? It's always a tip for tat now with female and men. This is why I always say, Why is this always women versus men? I feel like y'all mess it up. Y'all wanted these men to be so in their feelings, y'all wanted them to express themselves so much, not a hundred of them got pee. Y'all, you said you wanna gotta uh express his feelings too. True. I think they messed. No, it's not wrong. I think what happened is so many men got to where they wanna. We're worried about their mental health, which is we are. We love black men mental health, right? So they get so emotional. No, I think we just they forgot to find lines, like that's a thing.
SPEAKER_03That's thug. That's that thug coming. I told you it's the black hair telling us.
SPEAKER_05No, I just think that we forgot they forgot to find line. It's a line there, like now, they all on the radio podcast, they got purses, they got right. What is up with the purses? Please don't help me understand. What is a man bag? Like, I want you to get expression.
SPEAKER_02You can't ask me that. I don't have no purse. I bought it, I bought a purse of the women.
SPEAKER_05She walked in, she thought it was the female store. Why is it purses all aligned section?
SPEAKER_02What store are you talking about?
SPEAKER_05The grocery store, but it's the man's side.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they got purses with purses, yes. Is it like the little yeah, they call them?
SPEAKER_05No, they were purses. They said I think they called man something, man bags. I don't know. No, not man bags, they called ah shit. Not only that, their skinny jeans is tighter than ours. That's what I'm saying. It's a line that they have crossed. They they call man bags, they they call
Gender Lines, Fashion, And Man Bags
SPEAKER_05them man bags, but they used to be called, they used to call them. But did y'all ever see this back in the day? Back in the day, guys had these man bags.
SPEAKER_02Look at the Osley Brothers cover.
SPEAKER_04If you it ain't no difference from a man wearing a kiss a fanny pack, yeah, let's say whatever.
SPEAKER_02I can see the fanny.
SPEAKER_04I never like that.
SPEAKER_01I can see the fanny, but I can see the fanny packs, but older man wearing.
SPEAKER_05I never see until you at an age where you gotta take medicine with you around all day. I don't need you to see you with a fanny bag. Yeah, I don't want both of us having a purse on, baby. Put this in your purse, or put this in your bag. I'd rather you have a book. Why y'all buy this book bag? That started there, and and I was just gonna say that it's smaller. They all just kept small. I don't see nothing wrong with a book bag if you're gonna be. Yeah, I don't think nothing with a book bag. Yeah, but not a purse that look like mine, but not a purse.
SPEAKER_02I think culture is a cult, it's like I think we're trying to catch it. It's a culture of fashion thing. I think because America, we're trying to be in tune with the people like in Europe, because Europe they've been doing this for a while. But so, but the neighborhoods we come from.
SPEAKER_00Hold on. You finish it, we're gonna go to the uh finish.
SPEAKER_02The neighborhoods the neighborhoods we come from, we looking like, nah, bro, you can't wear no purse. He likes man back. No, it's a purse, bro. They got a long strap on it and it's and it's coming across your chest.
SPEAKER_05I agree.
SPEAKER_02I never I never got with it. Give me a book back and I'm gonna call it a day.
SPEAKER_05And in other states, they don't look at it how we look at it. So maybe it's where we come from. Yeah, it's just on how we grew up. I think it's our culture, the it's just our culture and the in the in the dot com. Sean said it's called a purse, right? Briefcase me, backpack me, double bag me. But it's like it's like everything we have now. We shared it, we're sharing it now. So, and I think that's where men always be like, Well, you want to be what they say, you want to wear you want to be too equal, yeah. You want to be equal. I think they took that equal part a little bit too far. That's what I'm saying. Y'all crossing the line. We didn't say we want to be the man. Well, it was never like you got something to say.
SPEAKER_02You say you never want to be the man.
SPEAKER_05I yeah, I don't want to be the man, yeah. So, what you trying to say?
SPEAKER_02I'm just um it's it's based on it's some to some people, it's based on your delivery, you know what I'm saying? So if they're talking to certain women, they like, well, dang, why she always tough? Like, you know what I'm saying? Because I prior before my past, I like one girl, she'll say bet or whatever, though. Like, hold on, we're gonna stop that right now. Don't don't talk to me like that. Like, I don't know, like talk to me a little bit softer than that. Like, you know, I don't want it to be like bet. I say bet with my bros, not saying bet with you. So it's like a it's a communication type thing, certain dudes don't like. I don't like it like that.
SPEAKER_05What's wrong with bet? I don't like maybe it's how you say it.
SPEAKER_02It's it's how she was, it's how she was saying. I feel like I was talking to one of the guys, and like but I thought you were supposed to be friends. We we are friends, but it's like that she was too she was too aggressive, like all right, bro.
SPEAKER_06All right, so I got you, my dog.
SPEAKER_02It's ugly, it's ugly.
SPEAKER_05I want to touch on what you said. You asked him at work. Okay, so y'all know Valentine Day is coming up, right? We just got over Christmas, right? Okay, so what so y'all know Valentine is coming up, and what is wrong? So I asked a young man right here. I asked him, he asked his friend, his lady, did he asked her to be his Valentine, and he made a face like she shall already know. What is wrong with man asking, will you be my valentine?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so we're gonna clear this up.
SPEAKER_05Well, what was your response that day first?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, why did you my it's my it's my facial expression, so that's what said what was the facial expression?
SPEAKER_05Show up. She got you, she got you here before for that.
SPEAKER_02I was like, Okay, here we go.
SPEAKER_05You didn't eye.
SPEAKER_02I did. That was my face. That was that was my face where like here we go. But like, I feel like if we've been around each other for so long, you should already know. But I get I get the part about it's one look, she already shaken. Yeah, we ready? I ain't got it out yet. But she I feel like she are she already know, but then it's like this that little girl thing. I want to be asked, I want you know, I want that that thrill, that excitement, that bubbly feeling. So I get it about asking. It's nothing wrong with it. I just said I don't care to do it when I'm already in mode of buying the gift or planning where we're gonna go and everything
Emotions, Communication, And Tone
SPEAKER_02like that. And it's not that hard. It's not, I'm not, I'm not functioning. It's so easy, it is, it's very easy.
SPEAKER_05You can just write it on a note, stick on the refrigerator when homegirl wake up.
SPEAKER_02You can put it, you can put it on the drink and everything like that. You sure can, but I just super easy.
SPEAKER_04It ain't even got like a be a big old gesture, it can just be I mean, hey, it's that time of the year again, exactly.
SPEAKER_05And that's the type of intimacy that is missing all the time. It is you do stuff like that, it pays off later.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's the it's the the intentional part. I don't just do it.
SPEAKER_00It's nothing wrong, it's not I say it's nothing wrong with it, but it's like oh we look blurry on our side our blurry, we look blurry, but good.
SPEAKER_05So I get what you're saying, but no, it's okay.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I of course I I already knew that going into it, like I knew that it wasn't we wasn't gonna agree on that of my explanation, but you knew we wasn't gonna agree.
SPEAKER_05I know you were here.
SPEAKER_02What he knew we were not going to because it's it was gonna lead back to the question, like it's I mean it will lead you back to the statement. It's okay to do it, there's nothing wrong with it. Why is it so hard? It's not hard, like so.
SPEAKER_05I mean it's not a I I just I you know what I hear.
SPEAKER_02Maybe I was thinking about the I think about the performan I think about the performance part, like you know, so maybe it just you want the you want the whatever gift you asked for, or the gift I can think about buying, what's going on?
SPEAKER_05No, I when I hear you don't want to say that, or uh it's like you don't fully want to please me, and you're doing the other things because it's a holiday, you know, you gotta bring something, you gotta buy something. So you're doing that stuff because it's a giving, everybody should be doing that. But the little stuff like that, that's the stuff that counts. So when you do that little stuff, that lets me know you're there for real. You're really in tune with me, and you care about what makes me all of that. That's what I'm saying. So, do guys just don't want to do it, they just don't want to do it or not the bare minimum, they don't have to. Yeah, I feel like that's a bare minimum. Well, buying me a Valentine's Day gift is a bare minimum. Because look, little Timmy is buying that at school in kindergarten. He asked his mom five dollars. If you ask me one more time, let me get a box of chocolate and I'm throwing that in the butt, so that could be a that could be a small gift leading to other gifts.
SPEAKER_02So that that's that's a that's a bad thing if he gave you some chocolate, but he's still giving you better stuff for the day. It's not I mean by the way.
SPEAKER_05No, no, I just said I'm not saying, oh see, I don't want nobody to eat me up by saying that that's the bare minimum. I know it's not the bare, bare minimum, but I'm saying, like, that's what you expect, that's what everybody's expecting. If you're my man, I mean I'm expecting something for Valentine's Day, it should be something, but the things that I'm not expecting, that's where you want to hit me at. You want to hit me in the seriously go ahead and leave me a note.
SPEAKER_02Wait the little wake the little girl up again. That's all that's all that's always there.
SPEAKER_05Not only that, it's good to show us that you care about what I care about.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you care about that part because I like about me. Yeah, so if I care about this, then I should care. Just like if you wanted me to care about something that you like, right? You wanted me to show interest in it, but I'm not really showing interest in it. That's just like my ex-husband always liked he wanted me to learn how to play cards. I'm not a card player, so did I ever do it? No, I didn't.
SPEAKER_02Here she goes you don't like nobody yelling at you as space. You better not be me.
SPEAKER_04You better not be me. Why you don't play cards? Okay, I don't know. I just well, I just seen so much of the I didn't like the bad side of it. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I just never, but I'm I love to talk shit, but I just never oh you good at space then. Right.
SPEAKER_05I just no, I just didn't like the I just didn't like how things all led up to the city. So what's the butt? Right, but so anyway, what's the butt?
SPEAKER_04Right here, what's the butt? I want to know, but anyway, like he wanted me to learn how to play cards, he wanted me to take interest in it, but because I wasn't interested in it, I just never took interest in it, you know. But I didn't really understand the whole part of it until afterwards. Because I just didn't I don't like playing cards, so and I knew when we got around people, he's like, Come on, you about to be my partner.
SPEAKER_05And I'm like, I don't want to play with you.
SPEAKER_04So I thought you were gonna say I already thought she had a better plan for this, and no, I'm like, Well, I thought you were gonna say no, but that's no, that's what I'm saying. I made my I'm making
Valentine’s Day: Ask Or Assume?
SPEAKER_04my point, is that you have to y'all want us to take interest in what y'all like, so do the same thing for us, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay, right? That's what I'm saying. Okay, so but in high time, you're basically still saying that you should have learned how to play curse, maybe a little bit. Okay, we just want to make sure you take your accountability on that part. Oh, I do, or you just don't like it. That's why I brought it up. See, I love that. See that kind of billy over here.
SPEAKER_02Or hold on, or is it hold on? Is it the people you didn't like y'all spend cards with?
SPEAKER_05No, okay, no, she just didn't learn how to play it. I just didn't like that. I just feel like sometimes the guys, why don't y'all keep that chase and that thrill alive? Like when y'all first trying to come for us. We had that conversation. You said so, he said, Yes. Once they get that they get a thrill of chasing the women in the beginning, and when they get them, they realize sometimes like this is not what I want. Oh my god. Remember, we had like conversation.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I did I did say that. I said, um, well, when you dating somebody, and then men, we always gonna chase women. This is how it is. But I feel like when you when you chase, and then some men get to that to that prize or with it with that capture, and then it's like, this ain't it.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02This is not it. Like, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_05But that's what the females be on there saying, like, as soon as you get a man at that chance that they're chasing you, you you fumble, he fumble you. Is it a f is it a fumble? Because I I mean that's what you know the thing.
SPEAKER_02I don't think it's a fumble when I finally get there and then I find out for what it is. That's like okay, just say a person that's an upcoming artist, whatever, right? And I finally get to the top and and feel like, oh, this this ain't what it is. This fame ain't what it is, you know what I'm saying? So I got the money. I that's why I think a lot of them say, well, I don't give me them, give me the money and and forget the fame, you know what I'm saying. But some people are not like that. Like when I get to when I finally get to well, home base with this woman, I feel like no, this ain't what it is.
SPEAKER_05So we fell in love and you done pushed back. You know what?
SPEAKER_02That's why I feel like they should be intentional. You can be you can be intentional, and then I feel like I gotta I gotta fall back because this ain't it, it's ain't for me.
SPEAKER_05I don't even think it's all the way, it's just it ain't for you. I think some of y'all are just tasting this high. Y'all just like the beginnings of it in the people, some men, some men are and then I it's it's time for the work you run in. They never wanted nothing serious, they just wanted to certain because you gotta maintain me and I like to be consistent. I ain't gonna oh shit. Ah I think I get it, it's gonna be cute. We like each other. I mean the honeymoon stage, yeah. It's cute.
SPEAKER_02Some people can't keep it up if you gotta if you got the agenda, just go ahead and get what I get and get get on.
SPEAKER_04I mean, I was just about to say, so let's talk, let's talk about you. You like you still like her, you still maintain, you still maintain, but you still kind of just like the it fizzles, you know what? You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_05That's I can that's fine. Like, no, keep keep it up because consistency is key. Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_02If somebody, if somebody really is real intentional and really wants you, you would you will sit in there in and all their gestures and everything like that. But a lot of times, just saying sometimes it's cool, it's cool to retreat. Well, I'm just saying. Am I lying though? Like some dudes do back off. I'll say that's a lie. Whoever miss wright is and all y'all not upset at me.
SPEAKER_05That is my mother.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I said Miss Wright.
SPEAKER_05Y'all upset, but Nessa you don't care about his feelings.
SPEAKER_02I ain't in my feelings.
SPEAKER_05She she always on the mean side, okay. She's always handling.
SPEAKER_02I got at least one.
SPEAKER_05No, her comedy. She always on their side. So is there anything you want to ask us? I know you said we're ganging up on you.
SPEAKER_02Who no, you ain't ganging up on me.
SPEAKER_05What? It has to be something you uh a lot of women don't know what she said.
SPEAKER_02A lot of women don't know what it's like, Chris. No, a lot of men don't know.
SPEAKER_05A lot of oh, it's on the screen. A lot of women don't really know what they want until a man brings that out of them.
SPEAKER_02Is he no?
SPEAKER_05I know what I want. I know what I want. Oh, yeah. I don't how you gonna bring it up? I don't think a man ever brung anything out of me. What I want, like I know what I want. Yeah, I know what I want. Most of the time I'm telling you, you can't bring out the criticism out of a person, but you can't just tell me what I want. Maybe for some people, I know what I want because I know what I mean. I mean, but if you really feeling a guy's sake, probably do feel something. I mean, bring something out of you when you're feeling something does different come out of you, but you can't just tell me, like, I'm gonna tell you what you want. That's that's controlling different that's control type of uh what you want.
SPEAKER_02I didn't hear what you said.
SPEAKER_05That's controlling to me that you're gonna tell me. He said we don't know what we want until a man brings it out of you. How? How you gonna bring it out? Yeah, you never see that. I can see that. Yeah, I can see that a little bit. You're not agreeing, so go ahead. So you can't say don't tell me the hunt.
SPEAKER_04No girl we gotta teach her some spades. No, I do need to learn how to play though, for real.
SPEAKER_05But no, you got something. She said, Um, yeah, she understands you. She understands all the men, let her tell it. But Miss Vanessa be on their side all the time.
SPEAKER_02There's nothing wrong with that.
SPEAKER_05You got some questions for us?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I just lost my train of thought when I still wanted to ask about the consistency.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's what oh. I still wanted to ask about the consistency side of things. Like you, you look like you had something to say, but you changed your mind because it looked like a fight you can't win. Why, when you first start dating women, y'all saw fizzle out when it's time to be consistent. That is a good question.
SPEAKER_02I think the thrill ain't there no more. That's all I got.
SPEAKER_05Because you gotta do the work. You don't think it's because I mean it's definitely there's definitely something.
SPEAKER_02I don't
Consistency, The Chase, And Fizzling Out
SPEAKER_02want to do the work.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god, hold on, pause. He just said Reese told the truth.
SPEAKER_02I mean, like, that's what some I mean, that's what be to be honest. That's what some guys are. I don't want I don't want to do the work. I don't want to get to know you. I don't want to do all this extra stuff. Like, you know, look here. I told you for what it was.
SPEAKER_05It's extra getting to know me.
SPEAKER_02Some guys it is like that. It's it sounds bold as hell, but do that mean you took a step back? I said they didn't. I said it's a I said I said they I said they're retreating, like now, like okay.
SPEAKER_05So with a guy like that, what would they just wanna want in one thing from you basically? Pretty much.
SPEAKER_02They just they just played their part and dressed it up like they really want to.
SPEAKER_05I don't think they know what they want at that point.
SPEAKER_02I think they did. They got what they no. I'm talking about like well no as far as I'll I would say like this, we'll see who green and who going and who ain't.
SPEAKER_05So I mean explain. See it.
SPEAKER_02Explain like she said, they got I got what I got what I want, and now I don't want you no more. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm on to the next. That's how some guys that's how they are. That's it. They they got they prey.
SPEAKER_05How long does it take for you to get past that phase?
SPEAKER_02How long it depends on the person.
SPEAKER_05It depends on who's it been for you to get past that phase.
SPEAKER_02So that's a situation.
SPEAKER_05Are you in a situation?
SPEAKER_02No, I'm not in a situation. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_05No, I'm saying that preference.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I think it's certain certain men it's easier to deal with situationship than relationship because go back to what you were saying because of the work.
SPEAKER_05Why do men prefer women to be so traditional when they're not traditional? Oh, that's a good question.
SPEAKER_02That's a good question. Said it, say that one more time.
SPEAKER_05Why do men hoot and holla about these women are not being traditional either? We just had this conversation, but they're not even traditional. Most men I hear saying this are not traditional. None of them are providing, leading, and doing what they're supposed to do in that in a man's space, but they want the woman to be this certain way.
SPEAKER_02So they probably they probably they probably heard it from someone else, but they still don't know the the confines of how to lead for real, for real. Because my question That's why I feel like men should ask all the questions. If the woman's asking questions, you ask you asking questions as well. As far as like I say, uh if they ask a woman out to a date, whatever, right? And she said, okay, I'm not available on this day. But okay, well, open up your schedule. What day are you open for? So whatever's open on your schedule, okay, that's when we're gonna go out. But if you're not intentional and not asking these questions, because you once you ask these questions, you actually she gotta make the decision now. Like, I'm telling you, this is my schedule. I want to take you out this time. Now you gotta give me the answer. You can whether it's no or yes, like you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00So you answer my question.
SPEAKER_02I didn't.
SPEAKER_05Why y'all want us to be so traditional and y'all not being traditional? Does that go to what you bring to the table?
SPEAKER_04Well, he said my answer then. Okay, then maybe I heard you when he said that a lot of them don't know what it means to be delivered. Oh, okay. Yeah, I heard that.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so that's what I said. Just a little bit, he answered it just. So stop asking for stuff if you're not giving. True.
SPEAKER_02People put, you know, not doing. You shouldn't ask for nothing if you can't give it. You can't give the same thing. So it's all about it. Reciprocating energy for real.
SPEAKER_05Exactly. And most of the time I hear the men who are making these rants are not giving that.
SPEAKER_02That'd be the basement dudes.
SPEAKER_05Basement, what's the basement dude?
SPEAKER_02They stay in the basement with the people.
SPEAKER_06I'm saying, all right, what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_04He ain't lying.
SPEAKER_06Okay, and the basement dudes.
SPEAKER_02I ain't gonna tell us like that, but no, you gotta, you've got it's it's all it's all about your intent. Like see, so if you up, if you if you intentionally upfront about who's in front of you and you really want to date that woman, go out, go all out.
SPEAKER_05But you know what that don't work. Let me tell y'all something. I have guys in full-blown marriages talk, but they want to be serious.
SPEAKER_01Well, baby, how you gonna be serious?
SPEAKER_05You still legally married with who they wife? I don't know exactly. We not together.
SPEAKER_02I hope they don't watch this.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, hey, bruh, you're not I don't know, seriously.
SPEAKER_02And want to be serious. I know I I'm not gonna call out on it. You've seen it. She tell me about it. It's it's funny, but like, bro, like you gotta understand if you you ain't being honest with yourself and you ain't being honest with the woman that you took those vows with, and then you're trying to bring somebody else in the triangle. We see we see Metro News, we see how that's
Tradition, Leadership, And Reciprocity
SPEAKER_02we see uh that's gonna have like you know what I'm saying? No, come to me when that's it finished, done, and then when that's done, make sure you got yourself together before you bring me into your work.
SPEAKER_04Papers are signed.
SPEAKER_02Make sure the papers are signed, ink is dried, and it's locked and sealed away. Because I don't need to be a part of your problem.
SPEAKER_05Why do you think me and doing that? Like, why do you think uh me and then we had a conversation about something like that? Should you date person as separated? Would you date somebody that's separated?
SPEAKER_02Hell no, no, I'm not doing it. Oh me, somebody that was separated. I thought that was divorce, but I kind of found out she was separate. I was like, Yeah, we gotta cut this off because yeah, I don't know if if we meeting up, he might he might be following you. Cause I can tell you how this gonna this ain't gonna end well for you or me because somebody gonna get hurt because you wasn't usually be the one that's the single person because now she's thinking or he's thinking that y'all are really doing something, and he goes back to his person.
SPEAKER_05I was just about saying you could go back, yeah. Especially if that door should be it should be sealed, yeah. Signed and sealed, yeah. Okay, yeah. There's ever any loopholes to that?
SPEAKER_06Say it again.
SPEAKER_05There any any ever any loopholes to that that you would date somebody that's separated? Maybe divorce is taking too long.
SPEAKER_02Divorce, divorce, divorce, divorce.
SPEAKER_05I tried it, yeah.
SPEAKER_02It the I mean the twice because, like, and it didn't work. Me and Kira had to kind of like what's taking so damn long to sign the thing? If everything is checked out as far as the S assets of everything, whatever y'all need to work out between y'all, but what's going on?
SPEAKER_05Because but then you wanna make sure you're hard on me. No, that's not how it works. Yeah, I'm single. Okay, what is going on? Okay, I agree. I definitely think you should wait because you really don't know what the other side looks like.
SPEAKER_02You don't, so you don't the dudes want to like okay, just don't work out. I'm gonna have some in my back pocket. Yeah, yes, yeah. I think so. I think that's what it is. I really think that's what it is. A lot of people are like that for real.
SPEAKER_05I think that's a lot of me don't they want to be alone.
SPEAKER_02Women don't want to be alone either.
SPEAKER_05Women don't either, but I think we do it better than men. I think we definitely do it better than men because we know how to go find ourselves for real.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but yeah, I was gonna fight you on that, but go ahead, but no, y'all don't know how to eat not too many people. We do we do we do we do it in ways that probably go for an unhealthy way in unhealthy, and unhealthy ways very because some men don't want to face it, but I think where women actually do it better than men is where that y'all sit in it, like you know what I'm saying, saying where does where did this go wrong with this person? Yeah, could I did this? Could I say this wrong, you know what I'm saying, to make that person feel that way? Because we weren't like that in the beginning, however long we were you know dealing with each other.
SPEAKER_06They grieve it.
SPEAKER_02So, you know what I'm saying? So the yeah, the grieving is a little bit y'all deal with the grieving better. Me and like, okay, like look here, but like, all right, bro. You know what I'm saying? She broke up with you, yeah. You know, so we had to go and call him. Like, we went to the bar, let's get on some hoes or I'm just saying. Let's go to the strip club. You at you at you at home, you at home crying, and then like I'm at a strip club throwing ones or something like that.
SPEAKER_05And then my homegirls don't see you at the bar.
SPEAKER_02Until until sometimes reduce like, hey dog, I seen such and such. When the last time you seen me, I ain't seen the couple months. She up here with some other nigga. Really, dog?
unknownDamn.
SPEAKER_02You wanna go to the strip club again, bro?
SPEAKER_03She ain't even outdo me like that.
SPEAKER_05Like that part, but eventually that reverses. Women, we grieve it in the beginning, we get our shit together, and then eventually we good. Yeah, so we when we do run into each other. Yeah, once we go, we don't be done. Ain't just coming back, but then that's when they be trying to come back. We lay way back on in what's been going on with you. No, it's too late. I always say, Don't let me think too much.
SPEAKER_04Please don't let me think too much. When you let me think too much, don't let me think it's a wrap.
SPEAKER_05We get the overthinking, that ain't right. That is not right. Yeah, it's it's it's a wrap. But that's that's so crazy how men deal with things and how we deal with things. Like y'all said, we just so emotional, but nowadays it's like the man speed more emotional now. They be out here busting windows trying to fight. What man bust the window?
SPEAKER_02He said, What man bust window?
SPEAKER_05Come on now, be busting windows. I ain't saying that. I just seen a guy on bust bus his girl windows out. Yes, he called the police. Yes, many, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I ain't saying I ain't saying she got to get her shit on.
SPEAKER_05Wait, what do you say? You gotta get her shit out. See, man be emotional. But okay, I ain't I'm not I'd have had a man knocking at my dough banging on my door before.
SPEAKER_02Let's see, he out of pocket.
SPEAKER_05Men are very men are very emotional. I got into it, my husband. Okay, I thought I put him out for two weeks.
SPEAKER_02Man, two weeks.
SPEAKER_05And he bust that's a whole 14 days out of my car. Marlon, why would you do that? Marlin. He's talking about why you want to buy it.
SPEAKER_03Exactly, bro.
SPEAKER_05He flat he bust out all my windows, flattened one of
Separation, Divorce, And Dating Boundaries
SPEAKER_05my tires, and was outside screaming.
SPEAKER_02Did he have the boom box too? No, playing down jokes.
SPEAKER_05All right, this never happened.
SPEAKER_02I don't like it. I'm not I'm not I'm not saying that dudes don't do that, but it's like I don't think it's I've never experienced it.
SPEAKER_05That's crazy.
SPEAKER_02That's that's what I like.
SPEAKER_05Like, I never experienced a man actually busting out my windows and all that kind of stuff. I experienced the crazy stuff now. Just the stalking and but not no busting. I'd have been stalked. I got my tire slashed. I'd have been stalked by dang your tire slash. I was joking, it's here over here getting tire slashed.
SPEAKER_02You was out or you was at the house. She was doing Kira.
SPEAKER_04I was at home.
SPEAKER_02Oh, she was so she uh she made sure you seen this nigga smile slashing my tiger.
SPEAKER_04Did you see it happen? You saw it happen?
SPEAKER_05Yes, I'd have just cried.
SPEAKER_06I was ready to kill me.
SPEAKER_05I had to just snatch my keys and threaten to throw it. I was like, I'm sorry. I apologize then. Please don't throw my car keys.
SPEAKER_02When I when I hear those stories, it's like I'm like, that's crazy. I would never do that.
SPEAKER_05That's what you say now. You just never know.
SPEAKER_02I ain't busting. I don't want to I don't bust windows, I don't want nobody busting. Don't mess up none of my property.
SPEAKER_04Until you've been like had your heart emotionally involved, took with somebody that have you ever had your heart broken?
SPEAKER_02I can say that. I can say that now.
SPEAKER_05You can say that.
SPEAKER_02Sometimes I wouldn't reveal it.
SPEAKER_05That's just me being that's that's just a man. That's just some of y'all man.
SPEAKER_02Y'all maybe I mean, I just don't I don't like talking about it. Oh that that judges me. But like being honest about it, it had happened.
SPEAKER_00So, how did you deal with it? He just told us he didn't want to talk about it. I was about to ask that same question.
SPEAKER_05I want to know. That's why I'm glad you did it.
SPEAKER_02I wanna I had my references how I deal with it.
SPEAKER_05I ignored that you don't think me having your heartbroken is like a teachable lesson? It isn't. I think every man had a heartbroken in these ones. No, because every man can't handle what we can handle. Somebody should have broken my husband's heart. Oh my god. Really, Chris? Yes, I'm very sorry. I know you'd have got your heart broken before. That man ain't had no heartbroken. Well, you did some shit. Then you wasn't out your damn window. I said I was lying about all the people. I was thinking of all of that. Why did I miss that? I was thinking all that up. Nah, somebody had to break that be a hooch. Yeah. Somebody should be. I don't think I would want somebody else to be feel that hurt. That's something it's life. It's life. Yeah, I think. I don't know. I think it changes you.
SPEAKER_04I hope it changes. Unless they've been in real relationships, every man shouldn't have gotten a hard.
SPEAKER_05They need to teach you something. Is that why they so hard on the next female? I don't know. Yeah, it depends on how bad. And that's how we are, right?
SPEAKER_04Y'all be saying the same thing. True. Something. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05No, you said something true. So I don't know. I think everybody's just spiritual. I don't, but I don't think because everybody can't have I mean, I don't want you to have the worst heart. Exactly. I'm about to say everybody don't want nobody really doing the worst and the worst thing to you, but I think it's life.
SPEAKER_02You said what? That'll be like Taraji in the movie Straw when she's out there crying in the rain.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02Somebody had that but it's heartbreak, bro. Go to therapy.
SPEAKER_00So that was break. That was broken.
SPEAKER_05No, I don't, I don't know. Just a little bit. Everybody experienced it a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Because you think it's a teacher. I can still have a teachable lesson without no, they don't get it. So you want so you think that that heartbreak is gonna make them get it?
SPEAKER_05Get it, it's gonna make you get it.
SPEAKER_02So you wanna be down in there.
SPEAKER_05No, they gotta go down like that.
SPEAKER_02The way you said it, I want them to get it.
SPEAKER_05They gotta get a kid. Get in there. I just think it's a lesson learned, just like everything else. You get fired from a job, or this happened to you, it teaches you something. Everything you go through in life teaches you something. If you ain't never experienced
Grieving Breakups And Healing Styles
SPEAKER_05no heartbreak, I don't know. So that's my thing. When it's okay, it's supposed to teach you something, right? So when you get to the next person, you got the man saying, Oh, you still hurt. It's not hurt, it's just a boundary right there that you know that you're not trying to go back to, not we're not trying to reflect on what else happened, but at the same time, you gotta give me some grace too. Some guys do not give you, yeah. We definitely gotta do it, and we do. I mean, I feel like a lot of women do their own work. So when a man comes and talking that bull crap, you just be looking at them like, yeah, that ain't fine.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, then you want to call me names, your your face expression. That's what I know.
SPEAKER_05It's all her grace expression. It's just my face.
SPEAKER_04But she just tell me about my face. When you talk when you're talking a bunch of bull, I'd be like, no, this ain't for me.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and and I just recognize it right now.
SPEAKER_01Bullshit.
SPEAKER_05Like a lot of it, like nonsense. As soon as you come up to me, talk about hey, baby girl, like goodbye, baby boy.
SPEAKER_02Well, he got a die, he got a dive pad, he still got cuff in his in the sled. That's that's you don't say baby girl.
SPEAKER_04If you come talking nonsense about like like I don't know if the conversation just is giving what it's supposed to give, like a grown man conversation, like our big age, you don't like small talk. Hold a conversation. I don't mind small talk, but y'all remember I like big talk.
SPEAKER_05I'm like big talk, everybody can come. I can do some DPMs and I hold a conversation. No, they can't. Everybody wants to text now and then, so I talk about this too. Like, I'm a deep thinker, so I'm always gonna ask why, why, and why. Like, I'm gonna I want to get to the root of everything. And I don't blame you, shit. Like, I can turn that's why I was always so good at English. I can turn a one sentence into a 10-page paper in minutes, and I can talk, I could talk, I can talk no, no, I like talk in the beginning.
SPEAKER_04Like when I first meet you, like if especially if I'm like on the go and you're trying to talk to me, yeah.
SPEAKER_05We can do a little small talk because that's if I want to give you my number. So, wait, so let's take it back. So, y'all remember when we had this conversation before and Dante was here, and he said, Why don't women approach men? How do you feel about a woman approaching approaching you? I don't think he likes it because he's like, Why y'all both said though? Because I'm we don't know, you talked him that you over here bit, whatever. Don't say that.
SPEAKER_02I said that, like, don't come up with me.
SPEAKER_05I did say no. How do you feel? Like, don't you feel masculine with a woman coming up to you saying, like, hey, baby, like, what's up? Like, you know, trying to get on you. Yeah, okay. Do you like that?
SPEAKER_02It's that's cool.
SPEAKER_05Like that's cool.
SPEAKER_02Brand me did that. Brandy did that. Okay, that's how I met Brandy.
SPEAKER_05Oh, she's still in your DM.
SPEAKER_02She didn't a DM.
SPEAKER_05Period, Brandy.
SPEAKER_02Okay, come on. But she didn't say in there, what's bad? What up though? Like, no, I went through draw.
SPEAKER_00You looking scrumptious, don't talk. You get your wrestling talking ass all this.
SPEAKER_06She ain't dead, like a woman did say something like that to you.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna say, look here, bro. It's not, but I mean, I'm cool with it.
SPEAKER_05What's the what's the lady's name you're talking to?
SPEAKER_00Brandy. Brandy, Brandy, yeah, Brandy. I hope she just started saying what up that way, Brother. I know, please. Her silly ass, her silly ass would do that, though.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, for the next couple weeks, just be like, bit, bit. But some guys feel like women should start approaching the fellas. I thought y'all supposed to leave. Now we want y'all now. Y'all want us to come talk to y'all too.
SPEAKER_02I would never say that, but like if it happened, it happened. Like, I mean, you always should chase the women. That's just that just me.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02But dudes being the hair. Like, come on, y'all doing too much now. Like, you know what I'm saying? Y'all really took that serious. They really took that Usher song trading place. They brought that shit back, baby. And that's what I said earlier.
SPEAKER_05I'm crossing the line.
SPEAKER_03Y'all keep crossing that line.
SPEAKER_05Usher should have kept that song, baby.
SPEAKER_03Some stuff we gotta keep over there, we gotta keep over here. Thank you. That's why that's how I feel. Like, I'm crossing the line.
SPEAKER_02But I also will say the whole men, you know, say men is too emotional. Why they why they can't talk about their emotions? Because, like, at first you said, like, well, go on here and talk. I'm ready here to listen. I'm here to help. But like, but as soon as they start I didn't say it. Soon as they start, but as soon as they start talking about what they need and what they don't like, or telling you some constructively, some don't like that.
SPEAKER_05Why you say we don't like it?
SPEAKER_02Because I feel like I'm talking about you, but I'm really talking about you.
SPEAKER_05No, I'm just saying, like, what why do you say we don't like it?
SPEAKER_02I think some feel that uh you're talking about I'm talking about them, like you know what I'm saying, like how bad they are, but really not talking how bad you are. I'm just saying some stuff that I ain't working for me, like you know, that I don't like that we probably can't address. Oh, you ready to pop off, ain't you?
SPEAKER_05No, also real stuff. Like, I I prefer those conversations, like for real, for real. Don't I hate when nobody like they nobody never telling me what I'm doing wrong? Y'all never tell me that, and I know it's something say it. So I prefer my husband. Like, if he was approaching me like that, I was I do be boiling on the inside. I ain't gonna lie, but I I just be like,
Overreactions, Property Damage, And Heartbreak
SPEAKER_05who told you to bring this shit to me? Because it's this how long we've been together. You ain't never said nothing. Now you got something to say, but I be bowling on the inside. But I prefer him. No, I really will prefer that. Like, yeah, I feel so different than I promise you. I'm gonna have bowls about you at the end of the night after we finish this conversation because I love that. Check me. I think the men tell the wrong women. Oh, they tell the hood rats, yeah.
SPEAKER_04They don't tell the little, you know, the ones that can that when I from what I've experienced with some men. Well, with some, I feel like they tell the wrong women. Like a little bit, I do because those are the ones, like you said, hoodrests. I feel like that. No, seriously. Seriously, I feel like and then you got some women that don't know how to take it because they never they don't they don't know how to show empathy either.
SPEAKER_05You got some women that just don't know how to be could it also be men telling them type of hoodress because they don't mind hurting their feelings and they nervous about telling them the ones that we that's why your love saying we can't handle the truth here. I feel like them the ones that we fall in love with. Yes, we can. Oh, yeah, they fall in love with it. I think you just gotta be mature to have conversations like this, yeah. And you got to be able to communicate, like you gotta communicate with me because, like you said, I'ma overthink. Like, I'm gonna be like, Well, what is going on? What is you know? Yeah, and I'm gonna make up scenarios in my damn head. You're like, Why you mad? Because you did something. I made it. I know what I did. I got a hundred scenarios made up by the time you finish.
SPEAKER_04Some men don't know how to control their emotions. I think they cry about the wrong thing sometimes. What's the wrong thing?
SPEAKER_02Give me an example. What's the wrong thing? You gotta you at least got 50 in your head. You said that. Ooh.
SPEAKER_04What's one? Oh shit.
SPEAKER_02The one that you can say on air.
SPEAKER_04It's about air.
SPEAKER_05Lord Jesus, you can't even water.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, what is that? Why you can't say it? Why am I always the one that's getting hurt? Because that's life, nigga. Yeah, because I can cry about that too. Yeah, you get what I'm saying? Like, you can't cry about like, yeah, I get it that you you got hurt by this woman, right? Yeah, but that's life.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, why do guys say that? That is a good one. I'm always the one that gets hurt because I hear that from a lot of men. I ain't gonna be able to do that. Wow, I've heard that too. A lot of men say that she did this, she did that. Why are you telling me what she did to you? That has nothing to do with it. Right, that's why I said part. That's what they inspect. Like, like they don't say, catch on her rate, go through what you gotta go through before you get back out there because nobody should be paying what you went through.
SPEAKER_04So, a lot of men uh when they're crying about certain stuff, they have not healed.
SPEAKER_05What is it? Women, we're not gonna cry about that because we take the time to heal, like we said, we just discussed earlier, like we cry about that earlier, yeah. Like we we're gonna cry at all, we cry. Because I'm not yeah, and I'm not bringing up no other man in my bringing up the other man to my man. That's why I always say there's no point in me saying I got a man, and then I gotta call another man to do something. That part, I ain't got no man, okay. Oh, that's come on, but let me address you because I did not mean that men can't talk about their feelings, I said once we started allowing it, and I say allowing it because men wasn't comfortable at first telling how they felt about a lot of stuff.
SPEAKER_02Men kept a lot of especially black men, y'all kept it all bottled up because when we did, sometimes the women that who they felt safe with weaponized it. Exactly, you know, and so now like okay, fuck it. Then I'm gonna I'm not gonna tell you everything. I'm gonna I'll probably give you tidbits of how I'm really feeling, but it's gonna come off in a rude way, but in that rude way, I was telling some truth of how I'm really feeling, and you keep overlooking it.
SPEAKER_05Now I didn't earlier when I made the comments, I was talking about because y'all made y'all we were talking about me and want to be in a soft men era. I was saying that this is how I believe it started. Y'all y'all start allowing them to say all this how they feel about stuff, but they crossed a line that it was never supposed to be crossed, still stay in a man's space, traditional me, how traditional men are, but we want you to open up that space. Ain't nobody tell you start going to buy in our purses, nobody said I gotta take you to the nail shop, nobody said none of that. I was just talking about that part, okay.
SPEAKER_02Oh, but I ain't saying nothing.
SPEAKER_05I'm just saying I said speak y'all mad, but then I don't say nothing else about that. Okay.
SPEAKER_02I think somebody like I Understand you should after the breakup or whatever, you should do should do the work on yourself. So you're supposed to know yourself before you get with anyone else. But at the end of the day, those experiences that you had in the past before you met the individual, that's that did what make you. So my thing is like when I when these two people come together, like I'm giving you P the part of me like that's here. You know what I'm saying? So when I do talk to you, like I might give examples of prior to my past, but I'm not living in it. I'm just telling you of like how y'all set the boundary and how I feel now. So I
Safe Spaces For Men’s Feelings
SPEAKER_02think then people don't always give people grace neither.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I agree. So maybe that's how I was brought up. So when I know this about healing, we gotta know for all my people that are still healing, like I always say, I don't believe I will never heal. But some people say they heal. But my thing is when you're going through this healing journey, you gotta know that there's gonna be triggers, there's gonna be things that trigger you, but it's all about the way you react on that trigger. So that's how you know you're maturing and you're you know you're healing. So you gotta watch that's what they mean when they say healed. You you are healed, you is healed, but there's gonna always be something triggered to try to take you out of your space. Yeah, it's your responsibility to stay in your space, stay in your heel circle, yeah. But you healed, yeah. Life is never gonna be racist.
SPEAKER_04That's especially especially when you can point it out, though. Especially when you can point that that trigger out. That's how you know. Yeah, that's another reason.
SPEAKER_00I wanna know why he was triggered because he was very annoyed when you said ask us for Valentine's Day.
SPEAKER_05What girl asked you to ask her that?
SPEAKER_02And he just I wasn't triggered, it just That was a trigger.
SPEAKER_05I just I just don't I feel like he was triggered accident. Is that gonna hurt you to be like, Will you be my Valentine?
SPEAKER_02I just I said I agree. I accidentally I said I said it's nothing wrong, it's nothing wrong with asking none of that. I said I just don't do it.
SPEAKER_05Well, I I fully hope Brandy get a big old bouquet of can you will you be my valentine? I'm gonna make the car this is a lot of pressure. He probably like this is some bouche. No, it's not that's no pressure. Y'all don't put it all on here and I just that's such a problem for me. Guys don't like to be romantic no more. Ugh, they don't, they don't, they don't like to play no more. I think it's this has been happening, okay. Like this has been I think it's on the individual, too. There's a lot of men out there who are romantic. Yeah, they are it are you're not romantic. I'm cool. I'm cool, I'm collective.
SPEAKER_02I'm just saying so. I mean, this is a I know an unfashionable. I'm always saying, I'm always saying I can I can do more, don't get me wrong.
SPEAKER_06Okay, do more always do more.
SPEAKER_02But I can I can I can do more.
SPEAKER_05All right, forget the question. Other romantic stuff. You do other romantic stuff.
SPEAKER_02Well, plan dates and something like that. Yeah, no, yeah, no.
SPEAKER_05What's that bare minimal?
SPEAKER_03That's what I think. I want to have to say it. I wonder how to say it. That's bare minimum.
unknownBare minimum.
SPEAKER_05What's their crystal bare minimum? Plan a date. I don't understand. Like if when two people come together, there's a job now, there's something that you gotta keep doing, there's something you gotta keep up with. It's mandatory to take your girl on a date. It's gonna be mandatory for her to take you somewhere. They stop dating, and that's what I'm saying. That's like a giving, like you're supposed to do that. When you stop doing that, the other person is eventually just gonna hit you. It's just not gonna be right. Like you used to take me here. Like, it's gonna come up, right? And I ain't trying to say it's a bare minimum, but that's like when you get a job, you're expected to bring your ass work on time. That's that's the bare minimum they're asking you to do. Get in here on time and do your part on the relationship, take that girl on dates, do your part. All the other stuff, those are extras. That's how you keep me interested, that's how you keep my juices flowing, and that's just how oh that's say that.
SPEAKER_03You said it already.
SPEAKER_00Well, flow.
SPEAKER_05You said I was gonna say something else, but it is, it is, but it is true, like that. But I don't and then you ain't gotta do it all the time. The other stuff, keep doing that. That's how you say she should, she should be. But I'll be but I hear some guys say, Well, I do this for her all the time, so this is nothing new, it shouldn't be. That's what some guys say. That's fine. She is she has Valentine's all the time. Yeah, that's what's up.
SPEAKER_02So you guys, yeah, some people that will end a relationship just because they haven't got yeah, just because they haven't what got nothing on Valentine's Day, but yeah, yeah, throughout the year they have shown up.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_02I'm just saying, yeah, most niggas I know that's somebody personally they ended their relationship, end it just because of that. Yeah, but I think it was I think I think it was more to that.
SPEAKER_04I was gonna say more to legal just that okay to just end a relationship just uh not getting nothing for Valentine's. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_02So in your opinion, how many if you're in a relationship, how many dates you think y'all should go on each month?
SPEAKER_05Each month, yeah. I think it depends on the how to do that.
SPEAKER_02Because I mean, some well, I had a question. I had a I had a couple, I had a person that asked that, and they said at least they said three or four.
SPEAKER_05I was about to say at least every two weeks. I think that I would say maybe I'm too easy. I said, I think it depends on the relationship.
Dates, Bare Minimums, And Real Romance
SPEAKER_05Like for me, we all married with all them kids. Man, give me one in there a month. Let's let's just try to aim for at least one, and we can find other time. Let's get in at least two. But if we're not if we're not even living together, we don't have like little small kids and all that kind of stuff. Man, you better get it a little two or three, four times a month.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Because some people do it, but and it doesn't mean you have to spend money. No, everybody thinks you just the date gotta be expensive. A date can be expensive.
SPEAKER_02Museum dates.
SPEAKER_05Can I say something though?
SPEAKER_04I don't see the light going out of the house on Valentine's Day. Me neither. I don't know more.
SPEAKER_02Everything crowded, so I've got to be a good idea.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I used to take so I don't well. That's mean you're gonna be able to do it. You take me to a restaurant for Mother's Day, don't take me to a mother's restaurant for Valentine's Day. I I will even go I will even go, we can even go out the weekend before or the weekend after for Valentine's Day.
SPEAKER_05I ain't never been like that because I don't like it, because I don't like that weight. Yeah, I gotta wait. I gotta be in the mood. I like to go otherwise put me a house. Let's order in exactly good time at the career. Show me a move. But no, if a man plans something for me, I'm gonna go. I don't care how, because you took the time out of your day to plan this for me. So I'm not gonna, yeah, you know what I'm saying? I'm gonna go, I'm gonna appreciate it. But yeah, you gotta really plan it because it shows me that you cared about, you know, me. You thought about me. I feel special, you know. That's all right.
SPEAKER_00Do you plan dates or you just would you wanna go?
SPEAKER_02Sometimes. Oh god. I know, I know.
SPEAKER_05Wait, why is it that I'm gonna be learning something tonight?
SPEAKER_02No, no, no.
SPEAKER_05I'm just saying, like, I think are you just going with the club?
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna say I'm not going to floor. I say we like we let's go here. But other than that, I don't plan them like plan it maybe twice a month. Twice a month, probably. That's fine. How many? Because I like to I like to I like to go ahead and say let's do this this day. Like, but okay, alone planning out.
SPEAKER_05Uh see yeah, y'all think too far ahead. You thinking too too much ahead? He said that long planning out. Why gotta be alone playing?
SPEAKER_02I'm just trying to say, let's okay, today today today, Wednesday night. I said we're going here on Friday, you know what I'm saying? So don't make no plans like that. That's planning dates.
SPEAKER_05So you do plan date. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_05That's that's planning dates. Yeah. I think y'all think too much when we say planning date, y'all probably like, man, she wants more breakfast, lunch, then we gotta do dinner, then we gotta go spicy.
SPEAKER_02Some some dudes do that, but I think like I think I just said a minute ago, I like think they overlook like the the museum days or go to I would love that a pottery class or something like that. Oh bad. I keep saying I want to do it.
SPEAKER_05Me personally, you should I rarely wouldn't do that.
SPEAKER_02The day the day wanna get us out of that. The day we did the day we did do before, I would say like it was the rage room. I'm like, you got a lot of aggression. You love you a little angry.
SPEAKER_05Did y'all have fun?
unknownIt was fun. It was fun.
SPEAKER_06That's how my mother said it's rage room, right?
SPEAKER_03You know what I'm saying? Like you got you got a little you got a little angry before you take the shit out on me, you're gonna hit the TV. But I'm gonna rage room.
SPEAKER_05I wanna go so bad. Rage room, yeah. With the next three days, that's where I'm going.
SPEAKER_02It's one right there on the royal oak. It's probably I know I was gonna say Madison Heights right by Oklahoma, right?
SPEAKER_05Okay, yeah. I remember looking at that. Is it like the X throwing? I love I like X. I didn't think I was gonna like that when we went. I had a ball. Yeah, oh where? I didn't think I would like no, it's not what you think.
SPEAKER_02No, it's just it's like you you they they show you how to throw it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they show you how to throw it, yeah.
SPEAKER_02They got the small ones and the big ones, yeah.
SPEAKER_05It was a ball. I was I was not scared.
SPEAKER_03You think you're gonna get hurt? Yep, you don't you don't because you think why would you get hurt? It's just gonna fall.
SPEAKER_04It's a big scared. I don't know, anything can happen.
SPEAKER_02Um, I think I would say try first and then I don't know, but it's there, like you it's like you showing up.
SPEAKER_04It's almost like going skydiving.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, it's not totally different.
SPEAKER_05No, I feel like that though they didn't call me crazy if you want to do that now.
SPEAKER_02I want to do it. I want to do it.
SPEAKER_05Crystal, he said don't act like he ain't take you to the museum.
SPEAKER_00Sir, that was 14 years ago. Damn, bro.
SPEAKER_05Marlon, just be quiet. I was about to uh about the chance that shit popped up in my memories a couple of us ago, like oh, must be nice. Why would you just put my black? I mean, he put his stuff on there. He's talking about so don't act like that.
SPEAKER_02So Malcolm Marlon is your husband.
SPEAKER_05How y'all gonna blame me for him putting that up there?
SPEAKER_04Marlon is our husband.
SPEAKER_02How y'all gonna blame me for him saying it?
SPEAKER_05Don't do it.
SPEAKER_02He's getting a kick out of this.
SPEAKER_05He's daddy. See, I like him. I'm on Cardi B. As soon as I go take it to hell, not the problem. He's dead. And yeah, we do present when we preach. That's because we want to say the thing.
SPEAKER_02That's my book.
SPEAKER_05She tries to fight later. Whoops. But yeah, I don't know, y'all. I just don't know. I guess you better find another museum, early. Anyway, he better. Oh god, y'all done started something.
SPEAKER_02No, I'm just I'm just saying it's like certain. I think dudes when they think of dates, okay, like what's the restaurant? Like, and then they probably go to the I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_06Correct, it's true. They really, but okay.
SPEAKER_02I think this is gotta, it's just uh outside thinking outside of the box. I think that's what probably be better. A lot of people don't though. That's far as far as far as the dates, and some doctors, I ain't that creative, but uh, but you know what?
SPEAKER_05It's too much information out there for y'all to not know. Man, if you don't go watch it, I don't know. You took it from Jeffrey off whatever. Okay, I don't care if you did. Right,
Creative Date Ideas And Apps
SPEAKER_05just do it. It's a lot of stuff to Google. Yeah, what should I do to Pinterest? TikTok is crazy. That's where you really do y'all look at Pinterest.
SPEAKER_02I do, I got a picture.
SPEAKER_05Pinterest is you got a picture. Look on Pinterest.
SPEAKER_02I always do, I always but actually it's it's another it's another app called Date Night. It's an app called Date Night, yeah, for iPhone uses like and um you can put in like restaurants, nightlife activities and stuff like that. Oh, you can't.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I didn't know that. Okay, I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_02That's why that's how I'd be finding my stuff.
SPEAKER_05I just go on TikTok.
SPEAKER_02That's that's everybody go to now.
SPEAKER_05I'll say TikTok, I like it, so I can go back and see it. I show Facebook and click on one of the reels and be going. Oh I'd have said all that kind of stuff, and I still haven't been there. I'll find something admitted on TikTok. Like we're going here, y'all. Come on. Tricky, I don't know. Yeah, but very much so.
SPEAKER_02But definitely skydiving is skydiving.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. But I want I kind of still want to do it. I feel like he's gonna help my anxiety too. Like doing something crazy like that. What if Marlin took you there on a date? What you gonna do? Yeah, it'll be me doing it, him not doing that. He would never really, he would never, he's scared.
SPEAKER_02It's not it's the thrill of it.
SPEAKER_05It is, yeah, right.
SPEAKER_02Like, even like well, the bunch of zipline, like bungee jumping, zip line. Parasoling is fun too, though.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god, I'm scared. The line was so long.
SPEAKER_02I thought it was only thing you when you up there, like, but now one bird fly through the you're going straight into the water. Like I had flew off the jet ski when I was in Mexico one time. Like, you know what I'm saying? I had to ride with the instructor, then ride with myself. I was like, look at bruh, the weight back here. So you know what I'm saying? Me being dumb going three and a half miles away from shore. And like usually I think them waves get bigger and bigger. So when you hit that, when you hit that turn, you're looking at the wave like old on bike, you know what I'm saying? And then it's like, and then when I fell in the water, it hurt when you fall. Like, so then I'm pulling the Jesse one arm and like helping him. I'm like, bro, this supposed to go the other way. You the instructor.
SPEAKER_05That worked. You know what I'm saying? I want to do that. Was it fun?
SPEAKER_02It was fun, it was fun. I do that.
SPEAKER_05So I do got one more question before we get up out of here. Why do you think women say men don't know how to lead?
SPEAKER_04Oh, that's a good question.
SPEAKER_02Like you say, women say men don't know how to lead.
SPEAKER_05Why would you think we would say that?
SPEAKER_02I think part of so it's based on the expectation of y'all, like your expectation of that of that person. Like I'm giving what the woman woman said, it's already there, and I'm telling you what I like, what you should do, what makes me what I don't like. And if you're not listening to that, it comes out in your action. So that's how she feels like you don't you don't know how to lead, you know what I'm saying? So that's what I feel about it.
unknownAll right.
SPEAKER_05So you remember Brandon said something about we supposed to let the man fail one time before we you remember that conversation last week? Yeah, yeah, he did say something about that. I can't remember the exact word, nothing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because you can't be you we both we both can't be the captains of the ship now.
SPEAKER_06Like he said something like that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, damn. Well, you in the passionate seat, you still over here, like you over here, but you your hand is over here on the on the steering wheel too.
SPEAKER_05I think you don't really care.
SPEAKER_02No, no, y'all a little bit. Sit sit back. I got this, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_05So a little bit. I think they've tried to help a little bit, and men don't take heed to that because y'all get offended by it. And when you got a rider and you got someone on your side like that, and she could be getting it, she could be taking it the wrong way, like nigga, you don't know what you're doing, you don't know how to lead. I'm up out of here. But if she's trying to help or assist in small ways, take heed to this because this lady is trying to help you be a better man, pick up on it that way. She never had to say it again, and you learn how to lead. A lot of men weren't taught how to lead. So if you if somebody teaching you something, don't be offended where the where the don't be offended from where the trophy is coming from. If I'm handing you something, just take it.
SPEAKER_02Just take it, take it.
SPEAKER_05We ain't gonna never bring it up again. I ain't gonna act like I gave it to you. We're gonna act like it didn't happen. What do you say? Pause.
SPEAKER_06Oh, wait, take it.
SPEAKER_02But like some don't know some don't recognize the leader. That's it. So they they quick to say pause, pause, pause. But some don't some don't recognize the leader, but they'll they'll tell you all day and every day what what this you're not a leader and everything like that. Because but when you say that, sometimes I'll say,
Risky Fun: Rage Rooms And Ax Throwing
SPEAKER_02like, well, you still operating in your old situation, you know what I'm saying? Because you haven't had anything like me as far as to be up front with you. So, but you're telling me what a leader should be. How when you never had a leader.
SPEAKER_05Do you think I like that part? Yeah, I like that. Do you think a lot of women who well, I think this when women are saying that I don't think that they just came into a relationship or came into the situation saying you don't know how to lead. I think you're showing that you don't know how to lead before we even get to that level of saying you're not is not working. If I don't feel like you've leaded me, then that's why I feel like when they start saying it, I don't think they just jump into it like you don't know how to leave. That's what we was trying to explain. Because where'd that come from? You gotta do you have to have like we do give you a chance.
SPEAKER_04I feel like as women, we do give you a chance, because but when we done said it, we done gave you at least about I don't know what most of the time a lot, but I know I done gave you still sitting back like right. I mean, you got some women that don't really give a chance at all.
SPEAKER_05True, I do we do give chances, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, everybody thinks they should be perfect. Some people would think they should be perfect when they meet them, and it's not always right. No, not perfect, right? We're not over here. Scale back your expectation because I know someone right now that's in that's in a situation, and I'm like, well shit, she shouldn't talk to me. Like, you know what I'm saying? He's showing you it's not about his leadership, it's about where he's at currently. Yeah, he's not he's not ready for what you want, and that's and that and that's okay, it doesn't make him a bad person.
SPEAKER_06He's talking about me.
SPEAKER_02No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03I would say that's Kira. No, no, I'm fan.
SPEAKER_02But I agree. I'm just saying, because like again, if persons show you who they are, they don't want it, and you keep you keep pressing it now, scale back your expectation. Now it's on you because you keep putting yourself through it, yeah. You know what I'm saying? So that's how I feel about it. And then because I don't because as the friend, like, I'm well, how I do it sometimes. I come off bold, but like, I don't want to talk about this no more. Yeah, you're very not because it's like me and they don't listen.
SPEAKER_05They don't say you heard like you saw what he's doing. He gave he told you who he's talking about.
SPEAKER_02I'm still gonna think I'm still gonna be here as a friend. But manly you over like, give me a don't give me a drink. I wouldn't need a drink.
SPEAKER_05You extend it if you extend it that grace a little bit too far. We heard you. I agree, I agree. Oh, I do think oh I'm sorry, yeah.
SPEAKER_04As women, do you think we our expectations are too high going into a relationship?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I just said, yeah. I think some oh I was right.
SPEAKER_04I was right when I said it. I always I always like learning my expectations. Yo, expectations cannot be that high. I think so.
SPEAKER_02It's nothing wrong with having expectations, have expectations, but know what the expectation don't have it too like, oh, he's gonna be my right in so many months. We're gonna get married.
SPEAKER_06No, I ain't think about no married like about how he should treat me and this.
SPEAKER_04I just want to learn your character. Who are you? I don't know your character. Those are my expectations.
SPEAKER_02Like, yeah, that's another thing, too. You'd be surprised people who don't know who don't know basically who they with and they they with them for real. Like, that's that's the best part about that's true.
SPEAKER_04Okay, that was well.
SPEAKER_05I want to say I thank you for being here tonight, Tim. We really enjoyed you. I really thought this was gonna go different. I definitely thought I was gonna be able to yell at him a lot more. I was very like, oh, he did what? He don't want to ask. I was like, oh yeah, let me have him. He's too kind. And even the things that I thought he was gonna fight me on, he was like, Yeah, I'm like, yeah. He still was kind of saying this is not fun. I was I wanted to argue with him, but it was like, oh I know it became more insightful than an argument. So I appreciate it. Wait, wait, I gotta stop here. Remember, I told you I had a text from a man, I had text him and he texted back something common. I was kind of mad because I wanted to argue. You know what I'm saying? Something might be wrong with us.
SPEAKER_03He said, Got you. Now you gotta sit there with the ass and flip.
SPEAKER_05Okay, something might be wrong with us. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03Like the nigga was damn the nigga is right, he's right.
SPEAKER_05You talking
Why Women Say Men Can’t Lead
SPEAKER_05like he kept saying something that was like in groups. Very insightful show. I appreciate it. I guess I came in here ready to argue. I'll go to the cream boy. No worries. We argue about that when I get to creep.
SPEAKER_03Hey, bruh, hold hold it down. This is where I can help you.
SPEAKER_05I ain't been on a date. I don't know where. Anyway, toxic hey. Shut up, Cherie. We podcast on Wednesdays, y'all.
SPEAKER_03What's up, Irie?
SPEAKER_05We podcast on Wednesdays. We see y'all. Thank y'all for tuning in. Thanks for tuning in. Don't you say nothing, because every time we on here, we still go live and we need to speak sorry. I wait on her.