Am I My Brother/Sister’s Keeper

If I’m not accountable for my brother or sister then who? 

Recorded 3-4-26

Transcript

Loose Intro And Host Lineup

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Well we live. Oh my god. Something is wrong with me. I think sometimes I'd be so upset if we were live right before we were live and these conversations recorded. Before we start, Shaw, we have a good time prior to going live. Like we need it first. Yeah. Y'all don't need to hear those conversations. They don't need to. We can cancel immediately. Cancel. Cancel. Waiting on the south side. We're gonna start doing the uncut. I'm already uncut. Well, I don't know if we need to get any more cut uncuts and what you need. Get a blame it on me, Christmas. She's our uncut version. She is definitely our uncut version. We're really trying to filter. But tonight, Keila is leading us. With the lioness gear she wears. She got her dreams and her curls and her hair. The D from the D. No, it's cold though. I'm cold, y'all. Yes, and then we got Monica back in the building with us. Hey Monica joined us again. Hi. Okay. So hey y'all, hey y'all. So today we're talking about am I my brother and sister's keeper? Um, I know that this is kind of late trending or whatever, but I still kind of want to talk about it because I feel like this needs to be talked about because we don't talk about it in our culture. Far as like, you know, would you be there for your siblings and stuff like that? So we ain't gonna get into the whole Glorilla and her sister situation because that's kind of old. I mean, we can talk about it if y'all want to, but I do got some questions here that I want to ask y'all because I am like a little interested on what y'all, you know, y'all questions. I mean, y'all makes me not answer when y'all got questions that I don't know about. No, seriously like because I had to I have to get out of my little box because I be thinking that we all made equally because we black and we're not, and we're not. So I I'm like, I really got questions. I was really yeah, I was really interested in just hearing other people's like answers, and then I asked my children. Oh and that's what made me like I was like, oh wow. Okay, so it might have something to do with really how you are as a family, you know what I'm saying? So and parenting and things like that. So I'm gonna so I'm I'm gonna just start off with our first question. So the first question, I don't know why my phone keeps cutting off. Okay, so my first question is that we all we all have siblings here. So my first question will I want to know is will you help your sibling out? And that is like far as them living with you, giving them money, and like helping out with a job. You y'all can go with whichever scenario that y'all want to go on. Y'all don't have to get personal, we ain't gotta say no names because I got stories for days. My brother don't know what I'm gonna say, and we're gonna strictly keep it on siblings because if we go off into family, I mean I got family questions, but right now I want to focus on like just the sibling situation. So go ahead, Chris. Oh, we're gonna start this one. Why would you put it on me? Yeah, Chris. Yeah, because you always get off. So I want to know your answer. We're gonna go this way. So I think well, I've always felt like because I got two brothers. Well, I also told you I had two no two two sisters no longer have, but I so I only have two brothers now, right? I'm helping to the end, like I'm helping all the way. Now I I do know I think it comes with like respect and how the relationship is, because if we not tight, you're gonna get a little help, you know what I mean? But like I think it depends too, because we can't just you can't be a brother of mine, I ain't seen you in 20 years, right? And you pull up because you found out I hit the lottery and now you won't show cut. That's not part. So we have a relationship, I'm helping. It's not no in saying a bust about it. For sure. For sure. All right, my have to say the same.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

I mean, if we have a relationship, if we have that kind of I can call on you, you can call on me, I'm coming behind you 100%. But I do have some siblings that I used to have.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

See, used to have used to have same situation, same kind of situation. Nope. Not too much the same, but oh, but yeah, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

But sisters that didn't show up as sisters. But no. I recently came into some money and they don't know because I'm not coming behind them the way that I'm coming behind my twin. It's a little bit different. We were raised together.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

I was saying, but it's not gonna be the same.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

We didn't, we don't have that kind of relationship. But for my brother, he could have anything. He could have the clothes off my back. I would help him find whatever it is that he needed. Um, I lost a sister. That sister, if she was here, she could have had anything that I have. Yeah, she could have lived with me. I am super close to some of her kids, you know. After you lose a parent, we all are a little different after that. But for them kids, I'll do anything for that sister. The others, not so much, but it just depends on the relationship. Okay.

Respect, Relationship, And Limits

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Kind of the same. Some, yes. Some, but no. Like you said, it depends on the relationship that you have with them. You know, my sister, I call her my bipolar twin. We gonna ride out. No questions asked, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Okay. However, she comes, I'm coming. No questions. Then there's some other ones where hey, it is what it is. It's hard though to be like that because for me, I'm the oldest. So honestly, oh yeah, I don't have nobody to go to or look up to or learn anything from. And I feel like I give them something that they can look up to and learn from, but like you said, with that respect thing, like it has to be there. Like you, you you can't be disrespectful towards me or treat me a different type of way, and then expect me just to show up for you because of that title. Because at the end of the day, the title is just that a title. So it's kind of like uh give what you get situation, but then at the same time, it's like you still have some where they might not give you all of what you give them, but you still gonna ride, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it. Well, y'all, what are you? What'd she say? Well, I'm I'm gonna be honest with y'all. Like, I did help a sister out that I hadn't talked to in like two years. I ain't gonna go off into all of the details and stuff like that, but yeah, she ain't, you know, I had she ain't have it, you know what I'm saying? Like she didn't have it. So I was brought up, you know, like I always tell y'all, like, our family is super close. Like my grandparents taught us, you know, you be there for your family. So I ain't wanna see her out here stinking, you know what I'm saying? So I did help her out, and but I do feel like I don't I'm gonna regret helping her. But at the same time, like I I wouldn't do it again. I'm gonna say that. Because it's like once you kick me or once you show me for real, for real, like you don't you didn't appreciate my help, then I got I gotta let you go. But because at first I was like, yeah, no, I wouldn't help nobody out that's not gonna, you know what I'm saying? Like you said, the respect thing, that's like that's it's a title, it's just it is a title, but I don't know, like when you when your family is less like this is like being embedded in me, you know what I'm saying? Like you help your family, like you be there for your family no matter what, you know what I'm saying? Like we didn't have family members, you know what I'm saying? My I done seen my grandma and my you know, mama them and my sisters, I mean my uh my aunties and stuff, like we all have helped each other out, you know what I'm saying? So I don't I don't know no other type of way to be for real, but it's just like okay, as soon as you kick me, yeah, I'm good. As far as like helping with other things, like we done did that, you know what I'm saying? Like I didn't help with, you know, I'm saying I d I would help you with a job, I'll help you with whatever you need. But as far as like you kicking me again, like showing me who you are, I'll never do that again. Yeah, never do that again. And it's hard when you raise that way. You know, we raise it is to look out. Now everybody's not raised to look out though. Yeah, no, when you are raised to look out, yeah, it hurts. Yeah, but even when you raise the lookout, I'm learning even with my own children that we don't get the same version of our parents, nope, you know. So you can have the same mom, the same dad, grow up in the same household, but things just don't be the same, you know what I'm saying? Some some lack the attention, some requires more attention. So we can look at it as oh, everything should be a one-way street, but it's not.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

So it's hard when you do have that sibling or person that you have to turn your back on when you don't really want to. You know what I'm saying? Because when you look at it, it's like for me, I feel like your sibling really should be the closest thing to you, right? Like, right, yeah, she shares so much. Like it's literally the only person that you share everything with. You know what I'm saying? If you have the same mother and the same father, it's like that's the only person in the world that you share everything with, especially if y'all grew up in the same house. Yeah, so when you grow up in that relationship, it's not there like that, it hurts. It does, it's it's a it's a hard pill to swallow, but at the same time, it's like no matter if it's a sister, brother, mama, dad, it's like how much do you take from the person? Right. What is the cutoff limit for somebody disrespecting you or mistreating you or making you feel some type of way? Because sometimes as siblings, we might forget like it's still a human being. I still have feelings, I still, you know, require certain love and certain attention as well, but it's not looked at like that. It's looked at as oh, this your sister or this your brother, you just obligated to do it. And I'm learning that you're not obligated to do anything. And speaking on that, with the Glorilla situation, like I really look at that in two different lights because it all depends on for me the relationship, the relationship title don't really mean anything, it's the relationship that comes behind it. So people can be on the outside looking at Glorilla, like how she leaves her whole family, how she not taking care of her family members, but it's like, what did her family do for her? Exactly. Where did anybody come in and step in and help her out? We don't know if they was there, you know what I'm saying? It's a ladder that you climb. So when she was at the bottom, who was there? Exactly. Like now, we are on the podcast. Who there? It's like the world have to love you, the world have to put you on the pedestal for the people most closest to you to feel the same way. And for me, when it gets like that, I don't want it. I don't want you to come jumping on a bandwagon when I make it to the top. Because I want you to crawl there with me, and if not, I'm gonna go up there and look down at people. So I might be looked upon like Glorilla and be like, oh, how she how she not doing that? Because on some real stuff, it's some people where it's just like hey, you don't know the story, it is what it is. You don't know the story, it's it's kind of hard to you. We could be on the outside looking in, all we are, yeah, but we don't know what they went through or what their relationship really was. So it's like just because I have millions, I'm supposed to take care of everybody. No, exactly. Because who taking care of her? Exactly. Okay, that that starts my other my other question.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Come on, Dan, come on, leave me right on here again, leave me right on here.

When Family Entitlement Hits Your Wallet

Boundaries, Forgiveness, And Cutoffs

SPEAKER_02 12:55

So that that's what that's another thing I want to ask too. And this is another reason why I really, really want to talk about this because you know, we see this so much in the family, like, you know, not even just through entertainment, right? But what about the doctors, the lawyers, the contractors, you know, saying like people that make like six figures, right? You ain't even gotta be all that, but you making six figures, you can be on entrepreneurship. Why do family feel like they are entitled to your money? Right? Like, do you feel like they are entitled? Like, do you feel like your siblings are entitled? And we and you y'all can hit off into family too, because at this at this point, like, because even family hit you up, you know what I'm saying? Be like, hey, can you give me this? Can you give me that? You know what I'm saying? Or can you give me this job? Can you do that? Like, do you feel like they are entitled to your money, your success? No, no, no, not ever. Never okay. I literally just saw this this lady I know from Girl Scouts a long time ago, whatever. She was just posting and she went clean off and posted messages and everything about because she's a nurse and she's she's doing really well for herself. But she started other businesses within her nursing career, so she got a lot going on to make more money outside of just being a nurse. It's a lot, right? So her family depends on her a lot. But then she was mentioning how certain cousins and certain family members or whatever will reach out to her and she ain't heard for them about three or four years, like, hey, my lights getting cut off. Can you help me get it? She's also and she like, I felt bad, but I'm not that's not I'm not obligated to give you anything because you're a cousin of mine and your lights getting really cut off. Like, there's no relationship there. So, no, there's no obligation to nobody, not a parent, not a sibling. Nobody is obligated to my money and how I make it, and you don't get a cut now. Right, it is out of my grace of my heart if I want to help, but you're not obligated to none of it. Yeah, I have no obligation to that. I don't know. But I'm down, I'm helping my brothers, I'm helping my mom, I'm doing it, but I'm not obligated to do it. You're not gonna expect it. Yeah, right. I think that's weird anyway. I'm just expecting money from other people. I think that's the problem. I would even ask. I wouldn't, I'm not the type of person that would even ask someone who I'm not close to. I barely will ask the people that I am close to. I don't like asking for nothing. I'm one of those type of people, yeah. But it's like, how would you how do you feel to just pick up the phone and call somebody that you don't check on, that you don't ask on a regular day, how they doing, how they feeling, what's going on with them. You could be going through so many things, and I can use myself as an example. Come on, come on. I went through a whole lot of stuff. I don't speak on everything that I go through, I don't put everybody in my business. I don't, but if you close to me, you will know because I'm talking to you. The relationship is built. So it's like for me, titles don't really mean nothing because I have people in my life that is not a sibling that I will put over a sibling. So it's like it's all about the relationship for me. And the relationship is built. The same with grandparents, it's like people expect so much as if grandparents don't have feelings, or you know, they not they not supposed to be checked on, they supposed to just be a checkbook or a person that you can call when you in need, but nobody's calling them and doing the regular checks. Like, what is the where's the regular conversations at? What you doing, how you doing, if you need anything, not just picking up the phone when you want something or you need help from somebody. And I feel like with family, that's the biggest thing. It's like they feel like they only gotta call you when they need something. Yeah, yeah, they don't have to call you any other time. It's always something, something's going on nine times out of ten. Why do y'all think that we like do y'all think this is new? Like, we so disconnected as family now. A lot of people like to blame it on the pandemic. I can say maybe that's a piece of it a little bit, but I think it just goes down for so long. I think that we are walking out on people that hurt us. I think that our parents they dealt with people because of titles. Yeah, so I think they let their sisters and brothers and all of these things dog them out. And because it's your sister, or it's because it's your brother, you you take them back. You know what I'm saying? So and for us, it's like we don't do that. When you hurt me, if you I might give you another chance, but then after again, it's like, how many chances do I give a person? So it's like because you're my sister, or because you're my brother, you're entitled to make me feel any type of way, and you can do whatever and say whatever, and because you say sorry, because people think that's sorry, the word sorry, just sorry, right, is supposed to change things, and it does it doesn't, and I know you're dealing with stuff like that too. How do y'all like so I know there's a lot of people that would say we give up too easy because the and I know the older generation would definitely say that because they stuck it out, right? They stuck it out and they took a lot more than we are willing to take, right? But a lot of that's because they didn't they didn't respect their own boundaries, they didn't have to be able to hurt and keep it moving because they was told blood is sticking in water and we'll feel like that is not scripture, it's being faked. It is being faked, it is, but like what do you think? What do you say to the people who are saying that we just give up too easy? We just are ready to write people off versus then allowing forgiveness. Like, are we not how many times? How many times of forgiveness? But what's giving up too easy? What I'm saying, how what's how many times? Boundaries. I feel like there needs there always needs to be a conversation. Y'all know I'm a big conversation girl, and I'm not saying that way. It depends on the relationship. I'm conversation girl. No, we ain't even got I don't know. We ain't even got to unless you just like did something to just like you trying to kill me or something. Like we can always have a conversation. That don't mean not that you still got access to me. Yeah, so DNA doesn't give you access. No, exactly. No, it doesn't. That don't mean that you get access to me because you said I apologize for XYZ, right? Or me, I can have a conversation and still be done with you. Yeah, yeah. No, and that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I can be done with you and you said I apologize. And even me, I said I apologize. I don't expect for, especially if I did something wrong, because let's we not perfect, no, but if I did something wrong, I don't expect for you to allow me back in your life like that. And then and vice versa. Because I read it by sexual by situations. I feel like yes, there I have a lot of people disown people and move, I mean not disown, but just move on from people from just misunderstandings. Yeah, there's a lot of times people just misunderstand each lines get crossed and things miscassed, and then y'all don't have that conversation. Because I think if the relationship is really true, yeah, a small misunderstanding will not make you not just walk away. Well, it's many of things that had to occur before you feel like a small misunderstanding happens. So it might be that small misunderstanding is messing it up too. I've seen it, but I feel like multiple things had to already happen in order for this small misunderstanding to make us just go our separate ways. I think with a lot of small misunderstandings. So when you get what my like a lot of female friends, like she was at the fight. Now you you know, so I think misunderstandings with those type of people, then y'all uh then y'all start talking to each other, then time grow, and then now y'all just not friends anymore. People don't know how to have those conversations because not everybody is disposable. No, you understand. We have to allow grace to some people to a certain extent, too. You know what I mean? I'm not saying you're gonna just disrespect me and I'll be mysties again. That's not happening, but everybody's not disposable. People do make mistakes, and as long as those mistakes are out, not in a disrespectful way or whatever, then we can talk about it and keep it going. But I feel like those conversations are not happening, they're not. Sometimes it don't need a conversation, they don't need a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

So I had a situation with a sibling.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

I mean, but that's different. And she she said some wild things, but after I sat there and like really replayed what she said, all of them things were adding up.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

There was other things that happened that build up that when you then when you blurted out, yeah, and you include my kid, we're done. Yeah, sibling or not, DNA or not, yeah, it's a rap.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

But can y'all still coexist in the same environment? I can coexist when anyone I think that's so I think that's that's the problem, right? People kind of just exit they they self out. I just had a situation where I just had to exit myself out of a family situation, right? I'm not mad about it. Done. Right. But that don't mean that I can't come, we can't have a conversation. I just don't want a conversation right now. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just not ready for a conversation. But at the same time, like where like where do we, you know what I'm saying? Like, where do we find that happy medium? Like, can you still be around those people? I can still be around them. Like, I can be around. I still I have still been in a situation where I've been around these particular people. But I think that's where the problem lies is that you know, they just when we cut our when we cut, when we cut, we don't go around them at all. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I think I can't. Like, can you still go around your that sister? You know, sister, I don't want to be around. I cut their blood off anyway. Like, once I don't, once I'm completely done with you, I don't even think of you. I don't see you. And I think that's a difference. I don't I don't know. But see, I think that's the hard thing when it's and when it's family. I mean, that takes time to get to, don't get me wrong. But it's a lot of people. It's like, do you cut the whole family off, or do you just cut that particular person off? That's from the birthday. So they cosign you. Yeah, it depends. It's the situation. That's different. Because it's like I feel like when you go around family like that, like it's like when you cut your family, when you cut that particular, let's just say it's a particular family member, right? And you like, you know what, like you said, your sister, I don't want to be around her. So if she's around your family, you're not gonna come around, right? So it's just like really I'm not it's just like how how like how how do you yeah, this this these are things that's fresh, you know what I'm saying? It's fresh. I think it takes time to because I will say it depends on how hurt I will be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Baby is included.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

I mean totally different. That's what I'm saying. We really go, yeah, you know what I'm saying? How far I gotta remind myself of that. How far the situation goes to decide if it's worth not really being in this person's presence. Because for me, it's like once I'm done, I'm done. I can be around you and I really don't see you. I don't see you, I don't hear you, I can I can coexist with everybody around you. What are we talking about? And for me, I think it makes the other it make people bothered. You know what I'm saying?

Coexisting After The Break

SPEAKER_00 24:18

When you can be somewhere and because I'm I'm good at acting like the other person don't exist.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

I can't really though. So that person, this particular sister, okay, though she's gonna be bothered that I'm not paying her any attention.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

She's gonna be loud, she's gonna be ready to fight. And we we're gonna not play like I'm not the baby of the family and she's almost 50, but we'll wanna fight if I'm ignoring her in a situation. So that's why.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Because I don't I don't like putting myself into situations that can get like that where it's gonna be like that. So I feel like if it's somebody where it's gonna be a situation like that, I probably wouldn't go. Right. I don't have nobody where I feel like I want to put my hands on them. You know what I'm saying? It ain't it ain't went that far, it's just like you're not existing, you're not meeting me alone. But in that sense, I can see myself saying I'm not I'm not coming. Yeah, I can see I can't say that again, but I can see myself saying it. I can't say that I ain't like I hand off. I'm not around like how I used to be. You gotta be provoked. You said you're saying, you know what I'm saying? I do gotta be provoked. It's no particular person, you know, or it's just it's a collective of things. Um I think why we don't want to be around when you take yourself out of a whole family situation, it's not one thing that ever happened where it's like, okay, this your brother or this your sister, where one thing ruined the relationship, right? I don't think one thing can ruin a real relationship.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

It wasn't real with the sister as well. We didn't grow up together, okay. Right. That's you let's be for real. It's on my dad's side. Uh-huh. My dad wasn't what he should have been. We didn't even become siblings until my 20s, which is a little different for them because they're older. But we didn't grow up, so we're really like a bunch of females getting to know each other. You already know how to navigate that that we, you know, can feel like we can say but whatever we want to say, and just because we're sisters, that is supposed to be cool.

Internet Drama And Public Lines Crossed

SPEAKER_02 26:26

That's what I said when I told y'all about my sisters. I grew up with my I was I'm the baby of the bunch. I grew up with my father's other two daughters, like same house, live together, not live together, all of you know what I'm saying. So when we disconnected, it was hurtful. It was really like painful. It took years of me to like let that go. I still will go into grocery stores, and me and one of them will walk right past each other. Yeah, like, girl, you probably changed my diapers. What is this? Right. You know what we do? So what we doing? But it took years of that happening for me to develop this like stone cold feeling against where you don't care. So I just it I got to where I didn't care. So when people reach out to me, like, hey, have you heard? Don't right. I don't want to hear it. Don't talk to me. So I literally got to a level where I didn't want to hear. I'm not in the same circus with them. Now if I walk past, I don't see you. Yeah, you ain't gotta worry about me looking at you and you, I don't see you. It's like, how do you it's like damn, you my sister. Like, how do you pass me out with some hurtful stuff? He does that. You know it's crazy. It's just it that's it's very sad. I mean, I have a sibling that I don't I don't speak to. I mean, we don't, and for me, there's no beef. There's no beef. There's no beef, there's no ill intent, but when a problem is created and then never addressed, you know, it sits. So then once the problem sits, yeah, it's like, okay, what are we doing? You know what I'm saying? We done live now without each other without it. So I'm right. Yeah. And I'm not gonna say I'm I'm bothered by it because I'm not, you know what I'm saying? Um, but I still look at it like dang e. You know what I'm saying? Like, how is this even possible when when it's a sibling? Especially when they be weird. It's it be the pettiest thing. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, but again, it's like, how much do you take from a person? How many things could a person do or say about you? And I think that's what a lot of people don't realize is like all of the outside noise that comes with with the drama. This person said this, or this person said that, or this happening, or that's happening. So it's just like the feeling becomes mutual. So it's like, obviously, you don't like me. You know, I never said I didn't like you, but obviously you don't like me. Obviously, you have a problem with me. So if so, we don't need to be around each other, we don't need to have no conversations or anything. But when you really look at it, it'd be like, Well, dangy, it's not even that deep. Because it's not because honestly, I can't even tell y'all what the issue is. I know I got cussed out on Facebook, but I don't need you know what I'm saying, and for me, one thing is when it hit the net for me, you was done. I'm done when it if if a problem between family and this, your sister, your brother, your spouse, your close friend, or whatever, once it hit the internet and you put all of these other people in the mix, there's no coming back from that for me. Subliminals, no matter what, you know, if it's pertaining to you, if it's about you. I just feel like once you take it there, you looking for something that you want somebody, some co-signers to come in, or you already done. Or you already decorated. So it be like, there's no coming back from that. Yeah. Like, and that's how you know when a relationship is real. Because, like I said, my other sister is like even if we had something, I don't think that there's nothing that we can't come back from. So how do you how do how do a relationship be like that with one person and not the other one? Because it's built. A relationship is built. I don't think it's nothing that uh my ones that we can't come back from. For sure. And I don't think that anything could happen where we'll be like, oh, we're gonna put that on the internet. Like, even if we I have friends that I don't talk to no more or whatever, but I would never go on the internet or even come on this podcast and speak on them because the love was real. So when it is real, no matter if we don't speak anymore and we don't talk anymore, because the love was real for me, I would never put that out there or speak on you negative on the internet. So I feel like when somebody do that to me, the love was never real. So if it wasn't there, it wasn't there. Yeah, because what they look at versus what you look at can be hard, you know. I'm saying it's different, right? Like you said, once you talk about me on the internet, I'm the same way. Like once you put my business out there like that, and you know I don't put my business, like you know me. You know I don't do this, or like you said, with your children you in my cross the line, you're trying to hurt you. You cross the line. Like, I feel like sometimes it'd be like the point of no return. There is no point because if you drag it, I'ma take it to hell and back and around the corner. Exactly. And for my people, that for me, I'm always like my favorite words is I could ruin the family. You know what I'm saying? Because if I go on the internet, I'm gonna clear it out. I'm gonna clear it out. So I rather not do that because at the end of the day, it don't only hurt me, it's gonna hurt your it'll hurt your dad, your mom, your other siblings, so many people gonna play a part in it. So it's like, why do that? Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

But even when you do it responsibly. So I did it, but not in a I didn't name names, not none of that. Oh, I'm naming that names.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

But it was already responses when you did it, it was still responding to subliminals.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

To subliminals or someone else probably you know I mean it wasn't like a but I didn't like name names. The the response was why didn't you name names? I said, I feel like that's messier. I feel like me naming it kids, I'm naming what I feel like a I feel like once you go there, you might as well just go there.

Parents’ Role In Sibling Conflict

SPEAKER_02 32:44

I got to. If I go, if I'm talking about you, but I'm also not respecting. But you know, I know you thought about your parents being kids, all of that. I thought about the kids, but that's gonna be a subliminal, but that's just like okay, so touch on the on the glorialist uh situation. She did have to bring her mother and her father into the situation, yeah, which makes it even sadder. Exactly. Now that's what happened when it goes to the internet, right? Because that's this is one thing I've always told my children. Hey, y'all all y'all got. I used I say we all we got, which means I mean me and my children, but then I also follow up with is y'all all y'all got. You get what I'm saying? So figure it out. I don't care if y'all got a kick and scream in that room, but y'all need to figure it out, right? What at what point do you feel like you gotta come in as a parent and kind of just say and tell the truth? Enough is enough. You get what I'm saying? And it's just like and and that's the problem too. It's just like I'm not saying that the parents had like your parents gotta come in and kind of fix it. But at some point, the parents should come in and say, Hey, yeah, shut this down. But the parents don't, they don't and that before I feel like when you become an adult, you know what I'm saying? They kind of just want to stay out of it, right? But yeah, I understand. But you can't do an extent when it comes to breaking up, because you pretty much y'all about to split, y'all split different ways. You know what I'm saying? Like when you split right is right and wrong is wrong. Yeah, call me. When my children is wrong, I'm gonna dress that child and let them know they were wrong. Yeah, I'm not gonna play sides or be mutual. You can't there's no mutual when it's there's no mutual, there's no mutual. It's like how do you allow this to happen being a parent and not address the situation? Somebody gotta be called out because both people are not wrong, right? Somebody's right, some people, some someone's wrong. Maybe both of them wrong, but as the mother or the father, when do you step in and say, now you know you wasn't right, or you know you shouldn't have said that, right? Or you know you shouldn't have done that. And a lot of times as parents, we don't do that, we just be like, Oh, we're gonna stay out of it. I'm not getting in that, but you know, I never do that. But that's not really choosing the side, you're not choosing the side, especially when you sit both of them down, right is right and wrong is wrong. That's if they set you down. This this child, okay. So, this is a this is another example I feel like that kind of ruins those type of situations. When you on the phone or when y'all in a group and you talk about this child, right? And say the situation, talking about the situation and say, Oh, yeah, she was wrong because that's why Z. And then you get in this group with this child and say, Oh, yeah, that that was wrong. That's no, they say my little mama does. Y'all need to sit down and have a conversation together. But when you deal with that, you can't make them sit down and have a conversation, but as but where the respect comes in at, right? You get what I'm saying? Yeah, like where do the where do the respect come in at? Like my daughter, my my my oldest daughter, she's 22 now, and then I have my 16-year-old. They got into it over the holiday break. I said, Hey, we having a family meeting, even though they both ain't grown, but they no longer play that. You know what I'm saying? Like, and they like, okay, mom. Like, no, and I get what you're saying, like, but where does the respect come in? You know what? And that's something I'm not new, but that's something that we are all doing in that generation, right? Yeah, our parents mean they didn't have family meetings, it was what I think. I remember my godmama used to do this. What I think of like my godmama used to make me my god sister whole hands when we was mad at each other. Oh, baby, we were petty here. Feck my bean. This is us, whole hands, like we was doing stuff like that, and that was the most I've ever seen from that generation. But they wasn't having family meetings, let's work this out, they were having a conversation, yeah. But it's too uncomfortable. Even making, even doing all of that, you still can't control what's gonna happen when they grow up. No, so once once they become adults and have their own mind and their own lives and their own children, you as the parent really can't control what's going on. So, do you be mutual or do you stay out of it? No, but you build a foundation. I mean, yeah. You get what I'm saying? Like, that's that's what I'm saying. Like, when you when they have a foundation to go off of, right? Yeah, take a couple of days and don't talk to each other. Take take a month, right? I don't I don't give a damn how long it takes, but figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Yeah, eventually, if you get what I'm saying, you got that level of respect. But you take my dad who saw the video on social media and sent it to the group chat instead of calling me.

Old-School Silence Vs Speaking Up

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Oh wow, yeah, that's messy. And see, that's something that's very messy, messy. Yeah, that's very messy. Yeah, and it's just like, okay, now I don't have a problem with not coming around you. Thank you. And this is all the families. This is when it goes. Yeah, yeah. This is why the families get split up, right? Because I feel like it's because nobody addressed it. No one said it. That's what it is. Nobody addressed it. Everybody's the old generation is so good at sweeping everything under the rug. Under the rug, okay, they don't they don't even want you to talk about the problem. Yeah, they rather you just let the problem go. Like just forget about it. It's so unbeatable. Just let it go. When it's like, how do I let somebody say all these things, do all these things, and then you just say let it go? Right. No, it don't work like that. It's understandable in the street. We're not gonna be saying let it go. Yeah, so why when it's a sibling, yeah, you supposed to let it go. The same with your children, like a lot of people I see on the internet, they talk all this crap about what they ain't gonna do with their kids. And I tell them, come back and talk to me when they become adults and they become disrespectful and they tell you what they ain't gonna do and they cuss you out and all this. Then you tell me if you're gonna stand by them behind anything. Because for me, I cut them off too. Okay, I'm here to tell you disrespect me, don't show up for me. How I show up for you, I will cut you. My kids is included. Everybody's included. Everybody's included. There's no there's no person off everybody, okay? No person is off limits when it comes to my feelings. Because how do I put myself on the back burner for everybody else? I'm not gonna allow people to walk over me, make me feel some type of way, hurt my feelings, treat me off any type of way, exactly, and because it's my child, or because it's my mother or my father or my sister or my brother, I'm supposed to accept that. I'm not accepting it from anyone, yeah. Anyone, yeah, they shouldn't. Nobody, these are the things which they should have been doing before us, they should have. They would have set the foundations a lot different, you know. Be more willing to have conversations more, they would have more of the maturity to have those conversations too. Yeah, or just the the tools needed because a lot of people, you the old generation still look to turn their nose up at us for going to therapy. Like, you want to go sit down and tell them. I mean, the old generation, they don't even address their sons for going out here and having five, six kids, four babies over here, three over here. Nobody's been speaking on that. It just be like, oh, they they just doing that. It's like the older generation, whatever went, they they just let it go and nobody spoke on it. You know what I'm saying? It was nothing being spoken on it. Now with us, we speaking on everything. Yeah, I'ma tell my kid, you doing what? What no, we not doing we have questions. We have questions. I want to know who he knows better. But they didn't do that back then. And I think that's why it's like it is. Yeah, yeah. That's the reason why I feel like they allow so much and they expect us to allow it. The same with, like I said the last time, the rapist uncles and the child molester grandfather and all that. It's like, well, if you knew he was a rapist, why was he around? Thank you. If you knew he was a child molester, why was he around? So why are you letting my children? Are we supposed to let my child go and say because this your uncle or your dad or your grand? For me, I'm not accepting it with nobody and you not being around me. So I and they celebrate they celebrate these people and they act as if these things don't happen, right? So it for to a certain extent, I always I give the older generation, I try to give them a little bit of grace, right? They dealt with things differently than how we dealt with it. They were talking something totally different. Whether he that was the raping uncle or not, he walk in here, that's your uncle. Crazy, right? Crazy the respect thing. It's it's insane.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

They were not they were taught that.

Money, Success, And Who Showed Up Early

SPEAKER_02 41:42

And I and I I say to this day, like black folks, we just have a what is it, a slave mentality still on a lot of things against white people because our to each other, you know what I'm saying? It's insane how that can like keep transpiring over and over and over. So you want to be the general people, and then we are I say it all the time, we're the generation who is breaking those generational curses, and I am proud to be a part of it. So I could not see what they did and deal with what they dealt with and sit there with a straight face and tell you I love you. No, no, you'll be depressed very much. I love this. But think about how they're feeling right now, they're watching us, and I'm so happy for the people who are part of that generation who are respecting what we're doing because they look at it like, man, I wish we had that courage. But the ones I feel bad for is the people who was not coming on this side. Y'all still stuck over there, you still got that mentality. You're mad that we're talking about our feelings, you're mad at all of this. I feel like y'all tell y'all. I want you to be able to tell everything. Yeah, because that's what makes you feel better to get it out. Yeah, and that's why I wanted to have this conversation because it's so taboo. It's like why are we not talking about these things? Why is it so hard for us to sit down and have a conversation about how you hurt me? Why is it so hard for you to tell you, no, you're not entitled to my money? I don't have to. You wasn't in the gutter with me when I was down here in the trenches and I was doing this, and I was getting up, coming in here every Wednesday, sitting up here thinking about posting, you know what I'm saying? Like, nobody thinks about that. You know what I'm saying? So it's even worse, they count on your pockets, they know what I got going on. And when I don't nobody count your pockets more than a black family. Am I wrong or am I wrong? You got that okay, because you may look a certain type of way. But assuming you, if I take a family trip, baby, is oh, you got that girl. You know what I put to the side and how long I put that to the side before this vacation, like people will come back. And and Boosie, and Boosie said, I'm not sure if y'all seen what he has said, but he he commented on it. That's how Boosie got in the situation. Was he said, we as entertainers need to stop making them feel like that we got it like that. Yeah, because we out here working, we're missing birthdays, we missing family reunions, we missing these things because we're working. But y'all don't understand, like, we gotta pay this. We gotta pay this party promoter. We gotta pay this, you know, record label, we gotta do this, we gotta pay managers and we gotta pay the band. And we gotta, it's a lot of people that they have to pay. Even if I don't even know it, but even if I don't owe anybody, even if I did it, you know what I'm saying? Right, I agree. But even if I did it, it's none of your business. Because I'm up here on this stage, yeah. I'm out I'm in school every day getting it, you know what I'm saying? I I'm the one that's getting up going to this job every single day. So to comment back on that, the glorious situation just a little bit. So, do y'all feel like if you are this big multi-million, not saying glow is, but just the the topic. If you are this multi-millionaire and you got siblings at home struggling, do you feel like you are obligated to help? No, no, no, no, I still don't feel like you're obligated, but I think you have to go off on you, you know what I'm saying? Like, even like with the sister that I haven't talked to in two years, right? Like, I don't hate her. Like you said, I'm not mad at my sister. I don't I don't hate her, I ain't got no animosity towards her, I just don't mess with her, you know what I'm saying? But I will I if I had like a multi-million dollar company or if I had all of this money, I will give her something. If it probably wouldn't I'll give you a job, it probably wouldn't be a job. No, I'm just saying, like, if I just wanted to give them something, right? Let's just say if I just want to give them something, I would give them, I would give her a little portion, maybe not what I would give my my other siblings that I'm super close to. You know what I'm saying? I probably wouldn't give her that. You know what I'm saying? I might do some groceries, I might do some. I might do something. I don't know. I'm not doing that alone. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing a lot. But like I said, y'all gotta understand my position with how I how I grew up, right? But at the same time, I'm I am trying to create that boundary, but I don't hate her, right? Yeah, but I wouldn't just leave her out here stanking either.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

I don't need anyone, and I I wouldn't want my nieces or nephews to go without. So would I still send like some grocery gift cards or some DoorDash gift cards or growth, something for the kids? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

But yeah, maybe something like kids don't call me at 15. I got you, but yeah, nice and but I'm even with you, I'll give you a job. I'll give you a job. That's what's wrong with the. Everybody really wants you to do that. Oh, right, that's how we started. Yeah, if I offer somebody a job right now, right now I'm I'm doing businesses, I'm I'm I'm trying to do so many different things. Who's asking, do I need help right now? While I'm building this from the ground up, exactly. Who's asking? Oh, do you need a accountant? Do you need somebody to an assistant? You need somebody to package up some scrubs, you need somebody to print some labels out for you. No, nobody's asking me anything, yeah. So, therefore, once I get done having my living room floor spread it out with scrubs all over the floor and get a building and do it, I'm supposed to just take my hard-earned money and forget about all the times I was doing this by myself and give it to you and give my money away. No, I shouldn't. You don't have time. Why wasn't anybody around then? I'm pretty sure when Glorilla was in the studio building this, nobody was trying to come doing anything. Right. And now that she made it to the top, she's supposed to just give her money out. I don't think so. I don't think she should. I don't think she's entitled to that. But there's so much entitlement. I have a sibling right now that I do not talk to, but every time one of their kids' birthdays comes up, oh, thank you, Auntie, for saying happy birthday. But he said bless their pockets. I ain't talking to you. And where were you at at my son's birthday party? Crystal was there, but I ain't see nobody else. That's what I'm saying. Things like that matter. It does. And that's where the relationship comes in. Because if you have somebody that's always there for you, always showing up, making you feel appreciated, even without money, because I'm taking money off the table because it's not about money for me. It's about the small things. It's like who there when you really need and when you're having a bad day, or you just need somebody to talk to. So it's like now that you're up, here come everybody. I just I'm not okay with that.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

If we take the topic and switch it to those who are like sisters and are like brothers, do I feel like I'm their keeper? Absolutely. So the one that men showing up, I got crystal first. I have the end of time. Whatever I got.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Whatever you guys think, the code off my back is way different than my actions. Of course. Of course. I'm a ride heavy. Yeah, let's of course be there for the people that love and care for you. You know what I'm saying? And I saw Glorilla talk about her friend, right? And she talked about how, oh, she brings her on stage with her and she do this. But I also saw Glorilla say she slept on that girl couch when she didn't have nothing. That girl was helping her sell CDs out of her car, she was wearing shirts with her picture on it, and hats with her picture on it. So that means she was there from the beginning. Her family wasn't. So now, because I got seven or eight siblings, and now I'm at the top, I'm supposed to just automatically give them something. No, because that they build the relationship now. That's her sister. And I think they feel hurt because they done missed out on this. Yes. You know what I'm saying? When you show the big with me and hurt when you get big as soon as you get big, they hate that. People are gonna get hurt when you get big because that's not genuine. It's not, you know, you feel that now. It's not where why you didn't feel that before? Exactly. Hurt right here felt that before. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? So people think they say blood is what? Not uh blood is thicker than water.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

But blood is not scripture. It's not, it's not like it is not thicker, but it is not for me.

SPEAKER_02 49:48

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 49:50

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

And for me, blood people that share the same blood as me. There's not a person that hurt me more than them. That's the thing. My enemy has not done more to me than a blood. A person that's a blood relative. All of the horror stories, all of the bad things, all of the things that's said about me, all of that comes from relatives, people that share the same blood. All of the oh, she thinks she all that. Oh, she thinks things this, this, and all of that is from the people who are supposed to be the most closest to you. So I don't understand where that saying comes from because those are the people that hurt you the most. But they don't even have to know your secrets, they don't even have to be look, people don't have to be around you for 15 years and they'll still think they know you. Thank you. They'll still think that you decide first. That was the old me that you want to know me, but they holding on different. They're holding on to that, yeah. So it's just like, I don't know. Catch up, mustard. How to change, okay? It's most definitely how to change like that. Girl, that was like over 10 years ago. And you still holding on to that count.

SPEAKER_01 51:08

I said that literally in a conversation with my sister the other day.

Chosen Family And Real Support

SPEAKER_02 51:10

She said, Because this is this is this. I said the last time you talked to me, I was still married to that man. I'm a whole different person though. In divorce, in divorce, you don't know a whole different chapter. How you a whole different chapter in a whole different stable relationship. You don't even know that man's name, and he lives mom and few. So stop playing. That's what I'm saying. I don't know. Yeah, come on, not the same person. Okay, so y'all kind of we kind of answered my uh my last question, but I'm I am I do got one more question. So this question is I had to change it up because it was just a little different, but my daughter kind of gave me this idea. It says, Is there any advice we can give to a young person that is trying to create boundaries with their family? Because I had some totally different, but she, you know, she kind of gave me a little sauce with it. You know, she put some little sauce on it. I was like, oh, okay, let me go here, that's your daughter. I would definitely say stick, like you said, set up and stick to them. I was just gonna say that. Like with my kids, I allow them to tell them, tell me when I hurt their feelings, and we have our little families, we have conversations. I say you apply this to everybody. Don't just apply this to me, apply this to your friends, apply this to your boo, your whoever. Apply it to everybody. Because if I'm allowing it, who are they? Exactly. Who are they? So tell them they hurt your feelings, and we're either gonna talk about it or we're gonna I'm gonna keep it moving. Talk about it, have those open, have those conversations. Don't be scared. You gotta have boundaries open. Yeah, you have if you don't set boundaries, people will walk all over you. And I feel like before I set boundaries, that's why I always was hurting because I let people get away with so many things, and it's like you hold it all in, like you're upset about something, but you don't speak on it. You holding it in because what it might cause, or what it might end your friendship, or it might end a relationship. Now I don't care. You hurt me, yeah, yeah. Um it's it's over with. Like you not there for me, it's over with. You don't show up for me, I don't show up for you. And I got your message. I feel like for me because I try so hard not to match energy. Like, I promise you, baby, you I try so you're hard me, okay? To not when you're always the one giving, you're always the one showing up, you're always the one doing, and it's never done for you. So it's like, how do you allow that to continue to happen and you just be okay with it? I'm not okay with it no more. I stop, I'm not okay with that. I think you gotta go and not. I mean, it's not that you're matching the energy. And that's why I walk away. Yeah, that's the reason why the relationship is done because I don't want to match energy. I don't want to have an attitude with you, I don't want to have to argue with you every time I see you, I don't want it to be a problem when I see you. So, in order for it to be like that, I feel like the relationship is just done. Yeah, there's no coming back from certain things. And just like they say with husband and wives, oh, make a list and all of the good things. You need to do that for everybody. Make a list, and if I got 50 things on my list, yes, I'm counting favors. Okay, oh, I don't count favors, oh baby, I am because I did this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and you can't even do one simple thing, one thing, it's over with. It's like that's expectation. Yes, it's like, how do you expect for someone to show up for you all the time? And you never when I say I ran myself dry for other people, I pulled my kids everywhere. I didn't miss birthday parties, I didn't miss Christmases, I didn't miss nothing. But at the same time, and my children open my eyes to that, like I said before, because they saw me giving so much and they didn't receive anything. So it's like, mom, you do all this for everybody, you show up for everybody, but when it comes to us, all we get is excuses.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Excuses.

Advice For Young People Setting Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 55:25

So why do you accept the excuse and you don't give other people excuses? It's plenty of times that I don't have it, but I make away and for the people that I love and that I care about. And with that, that that lets you know your parents in the right way because you let you allow that space for them to tell you. Oh, no, me. We couldn't tell our parents that. So I do know we we have to get up out of here, but I want a final word. Like, what is your final saying to your to your topic? What's your final word? We'll go first. My final word. Yeah, like what's the final word? Like, what's something you can give about what we just talked about tonight? What's your final saying? Don't let nobody walk all over you, no matter the title, stand up for yourself, love yourself, put yourself first, believing you first, and your feelings does matter. Okay. Um, mine's will be don't be scared, don't be scared to set those boundaries. I used to be like that. Don't be that's me now. Okay, we're laughing at our uh black ho ho's uh comment. She says she falls out with everybody her birthday. Well, you know, I used to do now I do. My birthday is the biggest one. My birthday is why I don't like a lot of people now. Yeah, I promise you it's because of our when you celebrate you, you know, when you celebrate everybody else, yeah. And then your turn and they don't everybody dumb right and that's speak that continues to speak on to what I was saying. Like, don't be scared to set those boundaries because they ain't scared to set it with you. No, of course not. You I had to learn that from my friends because I have friends that would tell me, Hey, yeah, no, but then when I go and tell you about you, it's a problem, and that's the same thing with family. So I would not be scared to set those boundaries and don't be scared to have to walk away. That's right. What you got to say? You can create your own family, you sure can.

SPEAKER_01 57:17

And we all have like when you have your own kids, you've already created your own family. I would just say learn your limits, and that's limits in all relationships. That's with work, that's with family, that's with friends, with everybody. Once you learn your limits, stick to them. You don't when you on the street and there's you speeding, you know, there's a limit that you can get to and that you can't. Sometimes with boundaries, we'll let the boundaries drop, but you won't pass up that speed limit because you don't want that ticket. You learn your limits and everything. There we go.

SPEAKER_02 57:43

Okay. Okay. Um, I would just say you owe those relationships that you have built, those relationships that have substance and support attached to those. Those are those relationships you're gonna continue to pour in. Those that's when you are your sister's keeper, that's when you are your brother's keeper. So you do not owe it to blood, you do not owe it to an old friend, you don't owe it to no one who has not continued to build and hold a relationship with you. So that is us tonight, y'all. Yes, we'll see y'all on another Wednesday. See, thanks again for kicking in with us, Monica. And thanks for all these comments. Y'all are crazy. Yeah, y'all have around the case. We want to see what y'all got to do. I'll go back and read these comments. There we gotta go back and read them.

SPEAKER_00 58:22

Thanks for being here with us tonight, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

See y'all, see y'all. Peace.